Two Sleeping Children

Soft Cell-"Tainted Love / Where Did Our Love Go (poly gore)"

Its on warm nights that this song was pressed for. There is nothing quite like it. Poly Gore's remix brings out the best of Mark Almond's voice as well as the analog synthesizer. 

For the second night in a row the twins were out cold before ten o'clock. Thanks to technology I discovered their father's key to getting them tired enough to sleep. Namely the one day he was on Twitter he had mentioned playing with them and then reading them a story, which they woke him up long enough to complete. Jane and I had been running on fumes since they came home so we figured it wouldn't hurt to play  them to the point of exhaustion. It worked. We were tired, and they were  sleepy. Aces in the hole!

Bronski Beat & Marc Almond-"I Feel Love Melody"

My anxiety has been kicking my butt for the last two days. The good part is that most of the time its still manageable. Switching anti-depressants seemed to have helped. I'm not happy with a couple of the side effects but my doctor is in the middle of the lowering my Lexapro and bringing Impramine back up. With any luck that will reduce side effects from both of them while keeping my depression at bay.

This looks to be a very promising year in music. We started off with Hiem and Phil Oakey's 2AM in February.

Hiem and Phil Oakey-"2AM"

March saw the release of  VCMG (Vince Clark and Martin Gore)'s album Ssss

VCMG-"Single Blip"

May will find us with a new SoulSaver's album The Light The Dead See which is actually a joint project with the duo and Dave Gahan.

SoulSavors-"Longest Day"

Finally, hopefully early next year will see Depeche Mode album and tour. They just moved from Gore's studio here in Santa Barbara to New York City last month. 

All I ask is please, please get someone else besides Emily Lazar to master the CD. As much as I love Playing the Angel, the CD Master is atrocious. 

Compare that to last year when we had the Human League's Credo. As good as that album was, one album does not a musical year make.

The Human League-"Night People"

I know this blog entry is low on information but considering its 3 in the morning and all I wanted to do was crank a few tunes, I think it did the job nicely.

Good morning.

Catch Paul Ware on Facebook or Twitter. I can also be reached via email (delete no spam) but much prefer the Facebook message option. The comments section is fine too.

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Easter Monday

I hope this blog post finds you well. This year for Easter I actually had plans. My children's First Confession was that morning, their Palm Sunday and our Easter.

Ted Neeley-"Gethsemane"

Their father had bought the outfits for them to wear during his last night at home. He hung up the clothes, gave each of his kids a kiss and went off to work. Somewhere in there he managed to drop a note into each of their pockets.


My wife was getting their clothes ready when she found the piece of paper in DJ's pocket. She opened it, read it, put it back and started sobbing. Its been that kind of weekend.

OMD-"If You Leave"

It was a nice day. It may sound sad, but its really not. Its been a time of healing. We are starting to enjoy each other's company and feel like a family. In fact, Easter afternoon we were invited to a friend's house for a BBQ. This is the first time all four of us were invited to do something together.

Somehow last night before this happened I was listening to music when this song came on. DJ fell in love right away, so to not include it would be a crime.

Paul McCartney-"Put It There"

After a while I sat near the stereo and played Music For the Masses followed by Songs of Faith and Devotion. Jane asked me several times to turn it off before the kids started singing Strangelove at school. I thought she was over reacting until this morning. I heard DJ sing "Common Nation" while getting dressed. Its a good thing I put those headphones on before he learned a worse set of words.

DJ has the most beautiful voice. This is the first time I ever heard it. He is the more quiet of the twins, so it was a shock for him to open up by singing as he did. Music runs in that family. I hope he chooses to do something with it.

Jane agrees with me, and we have decided to consider voice lessons. At the least it hopefully will give him an outlet to release his feelings. It couldn't hurt, could it? It might even help him crawl out of his shell a little.

Sasha on the other hand has been very willing to say what is on her mind. As I went in to read them a story last night she just looked up at me and told me she misses her Daddy. I told her that I did too, and we talked about him back and forth, sharing stories. 

Depeche Mode (Devotional Tour)-"Condemnation"

Finally, my friend Stella is going to Brattleboro Retreat tomorrow for help with her depression. Stella was recently diagnosed with Huntington's Disease after her positive HD gene test last year. She is understandably nervous about her stay there and I will be keeping her in my thoughts. I'd appreciate it if you would do the same.

So Stella, this song is going out to you.

The Beatles-"Baby, You're a Rich Man"

Catch Paul Ware on Facebook or Twitter. I can also be reached via email (delete no spam) but much prefer the Facebook message option. The comments section is fine too.

Want to know when the next blog is coming out or recommend it to a friend? There is an easy Facebook page for that now.

Double Trouble

I can't believe I'm home already. Its been two days here,. and all is well. Actually it isn't. Yesterday I went to the mail box only to discover the Feds decided they didn't like my deferment on my student loans so they're deducting it from my disability check starting-this month! As if that wasn't bad enough, I get to the pharmacy and when I didn't pick up my meds last month, they shelved them. Then they forgot to put my refill back in the computer. That means I don't have my Haldol until I get in to see my doctor next week. Not good. This med controls my aggravation level, helps with my Lyrica to control my moods swings, and by its natural sedative effect controls my shaking with my Klonopin.

Roman Sidorov-"Sedative"

Dahy's twins are currently staying with us. They are rambunctious and filled with energy constantly, just like their father. They're wonderful children and its nice to have them around when they aren't in school. It also makes it harder for me to drink because one of my steadfast rules has always been that I don't drink around children. Even in my worst when I was climbing up freeways hoping a car would run over me, even then I wouldn't drink around my sister or any other children. I can't count the times I dropped my little sister off at the neighbours just so I could get loaded. Its a lot like the way Dahy would drop off the twins at my home when they were babies, now that I think about it.

The Cars-"Drive"

Right now I'm having a real Huntington's Disease moment. As I was proofreading the last paragraph I noticed that very single time I'd use a pronoun relating to myself, I had just left it out. Oops. That really needs to fixed dontcha  think. 


On a more cheerful note, because I really don't feel that down in the dumps even if it seems like it, Depeche Mode is back in the studio. Yeah! Now if we can just drag Human League back there as well I would be really happy. 

The band had nearly fallen  apart from problems on the Devotional tour (including Martin Gore's alcoholic seizures, Andy Fletcher's near nervous breakdown which forced him to leave the tour and David Gahan's heroin, cocaine and alcohol addiction) and this was their one chance to prove they could come back together.When MTV offered to feature them on The Singles Tour they knew they would have to prove they were still around. In the middle of this performance you can see on their faces that the music and audience began to click. It is one of those great times in musical history. 

If you ever want to do a PSA on drugs, it should star this band. This was Depeche Mode's due or die moment.

Depeche Mode-"Enjoy The Music @Cologne (live)"

That song starting me thinking of other do or die moments. Here's another. It was what finally brought U2 fame and fortune. Live Aid: 

U2-"Bad (live"

Live Aid

While this is playing I'll fill you in a bit on everything else that's been going on in my life. The Twins are getting comfortable here. We had a hard afternoon yesterday. The Twins had noticed my shaking that the Haldol usually smooths out. They wanted to know what was wrong. I explained it in very basic terms leaving myself open to questions. DJ hit me right off with "Are you going to  die from this?" I think he asked this because  his father died from being sick. I told DJ it would be a long  time from now. Then he hit the ground in a temper tantrum while yelling that this is what his father had said. I didn't know 7 year old's even had temper tantrums but this one sure did. I got on the floor and rolled over to him, putting my head, face up, under his. He had to stop throwing the tantrum because he didn't want to hurt me. Then I simply asked him if I looked like his father, he had to admit I didn't. Then I tickled him until he smiled. That seemed to resolve the issue for now.

I do want to take a minute to thank everyone on my Facebook who took the time to answer my question about talking to the kids about HD yesterday. The information I got was extremely helpful when talking to them. 

Here is a great single from Credo, The Human League's latest album. 

The Human League-"Never Let Me Go"

Just a minute ago I went looking for my Facebook/Twitter code on some older posts. Among them I found the two pages I had written the first night I was sitting at Dahy's bedside over at the medical center. I published that post, and an hour later pulled both pages of it off.  Its so sad and filled with my emotion that I'm still a bit shaken from reading it. Someday I'll publish it.

Here is one of his favourite songs.

Muddy Waters="Baby, Please Don't Go"  

Catch Paul Ware on Facebook or Twitter. I can also be reached via email (delete no spam) but much prefer the Facebook message option. The comments section is fine too.

Want to know when the next blog is coming out or recommend it to a friend? There is an easy Facebook page for that now.