Two Sleeping Children

Soft Cell-"Tainted Love / Where Did Our Love Go (poly gore)"

Its on warm nights that this song was pressed for. There is nothing quite like it. Poly Gore's remix brings out the best of Mark Almond's voice as well as the analog synthesizer. 

For the second night in a row the twins were out cold before ten o'clock. Thanks to technology I discovered their father's key to getting them tired enough to sleep. Namely the one day he was on Twitter he had mentioned playing with them and then reading them a story, which they woke him up long enough to complete. Jane and I had been running on fumes since they came home so we figured it wouldn't hurt to play  them to the point of exhaustion. It worked. We were tired, and they were  sleepy. Aces in the hole!

Bronski Beat & Marc Almond-"I Feel Love Melody"

My anxiety has been kicking my butt for the last two days. The good part is that most of the time its still manageable. Switching anti-depressants seemed to have helped. I'm not happy with a couple of the side effects but my doctor is in the middle of the lowering my Lexapro and bringing Impramine back up. With any luck that will reduce side effects from both of them while keeping my depression at bay.

This looks to be a very promising year in music. We started off with Hiem and Phil Oakey's 2AM in February.

Hiem and Phil Oakey-"2AM"

March saw the release of  VCMG (Vince Clark and Martin Gore)'s album Ssss

VCMG-"Single Blip"

May will find us with a new SoulSaver's album The Light The Dead See which is actually a joint project with the duo and Dave Gahan.

SoulSavors-"Longest Day"

Finally, hopefully early next year will see Depeche Mode album and tour. They just moved from Gore's studio here in Santa Barbara to New York City last month. 

All I ask is please, please get someone else besides Emily Lazar to master the CD. As much as I love Playing the Angel, the CD Master is atrocious. 

Compare that to last year when we had the Human League's Credo. As good as that album was, one album does not a musical year make.

The Human League-"Night People"

I know this blog entry is low on information but considering its 3 in the morning and all I wanted to do was crank a few tunes, I think it did the job nicely.

Good morning.

Catch Paul Ware on Facebook or Twitter. I can also be reached via email (delete no spam) but much prefer the Facebook message option. The comments section is fine too.

Want to know when the next blog is coming out or recommend it to a friend? There is an easy Facebook page for that now.

Will I?

Before I say anything else, I want to thank everyone for their kind words the last couple of weeks. They mean more than you know.


I've been so quiet lately simply because I don't want to talk. Its a symptom of my depression from Huntington's Disease, but more than that I've just been contemplative.  One thing I have been doing more of is reading. The Kindle has really reopened the world of books to me.

Howard Jones-"Things Can Only Get Better"

On top of the lack of initiative is a splitting headache and a malaise I haven't been able to track down and life hasn't been the cheeriest this week.

The good news is my cat is doing better. Once I brought home the money in case I would have to take her to the vet and she started eating, grooming herself, using her box, and even playing with her sister again. If I didn't know better I'd think just the fact she knows she has an out has brought her comfort. It wouldn't surprise me. She's a very smart cookie.

Human League-"Blind Youth"

Lately I've had early Human League running through my head. "Blind Youth" and "Empire State Human" aren't the most melodic songs to be stuck on repeat but this last week I haven't been able to shake them. 

The Human League-"Empire State Human"

Adding Heaven 17's Temptation to my mental trio and you could say my head's been in a Martyn Ware state of mind.

Heaven 17-"Temptation (Original Demo)"

Between the Namenda and my Kindle I've found myself spending most of my days reading again. Its driving Jane up the wall because I'm so quiet again she's having to adjust. 

Bronski Beat and Marc Almond-"I Feel Love"

When I'm not reading we've been taking advantage of the new couch and having the telly hooked up to Netflix and DVD players. We've been watching a movie together most evenings this past week.

Fellow Sheffield United fan P. d. Heaton 

The Housemartins-"Flag Day"

The Housemartins-"Get Up Off Our Knees"

One thing I did manage to accomplish this week was setting up a blog for my wife. She had decided she didn't want full read/write privileges here as she doesn't read my blog on a regular basis (she feels more comfortable giving me space to write my thoughts without her having to intrude by reading them.) Then I moved her posts from here onto her blog, so all of her writing will be in one place.

The odd thing is this week I just haven't been on the computer that much. Facebook is checked once a day, I'll send a couple tweets on my phone, and that's about it. 

Tracy Chapman-"Fast Car"

In all honesty, I've been future tripping a lot. The problem with future tripping is that when you have Huntington's there isn't much in the future. Things my mind have been focusing on include how I will die, when I will die, and my relationship with others at the time of my death.

Simple Minds-"Alive and Kicking"

I'm not doing this in a depressed sort of way, but more of a factual sort of way. My therapist said its because I'm in the final stage of facing my HD: acceptance. For obvious reasons this has made me introspective.

Depeche Mode-"Enjoy The Silence"

This isn't something I can talk about. My wife wouldn't understand because she's not in my body, I don't feel comfortable talking about it with friends, and to be honest there isn't much to talk about. Where I am is more of a state of being than a  set of thoughts.

The Cars-"Drive"

My mum has also been on my mind. I wonder about the afterlife, if there is one, and if I will ever see her again. Sometimes lately I just miss her. I want to hear her laugh, see her smile, and be there for her when she cries. This is my way of saying "Dammit, sometimes I just miss her." 

Its times like this that I loathe HD.

Mike and The Mechanics-"The Living Years"

At the same time I wonder about my wife and our child: how much will I be able to see of their lives, what and how will they see mine, what will we have the chance to experience together?

Rent Motion Picture Cast-"Will I"

These thoughts are actually liberating. Its as if they were being held back by a mental.wall, and now that its  down everything is rushing out like water behind a dam. When they stop running it actually feels cleansing. 

Because no matter how hard we look life is just a bunch of

Small Circles

The Rainmakers-"Small Circles"

G'Nite now.

Catch Paul Ware on Facebook or Twitter. I can also be reached via email (delete no spam) but much prefer the Facebook message option. The comments section is fine too.

Want to know when the next blog is coming out or recommend it to a friend? There is an easy Facebook page for that now.

Books, Music, Comedy and Pneumonia

Today I ordered several albums and books from Amazon. Another CD arrived yesterday.  The album is a 1986 album titled Philip Oakey & Giorgio Moroder. It was a commercial failure but I have always liked the mix of the two musicians. They complement each other just like Jimmy Sommerville compliments Sparks (No 1 in Heaven).

Sparks (with Jimmy Sommerville) The No. 1 Song in Heaven

The 80's was called the Coke decade for a reason

Soft Cell - TOTP 

Soft Cell - "Tainted Love '91" ( Mendelsohn Mix)

Marc Almond Parody

Speaking of Oakey, this was in my email earlier today.
Its Philip Oakey on ITV's Tiswas Indian Shirt Contest (Part 1) (1981)

According to Wikipedia: Tiswas was a Saturday morning children's British television series which ran from 5 January 1974 to 3 April 1982 and was produced for the ITV network by ATV Network Limited.

It also had a limited adult following, as I have fond memories of my parents laughing while watching Titswas Saturdays.

Bronski Beat & Marc Almond - "I Feel Love (Remix)"

Sorry I didn't get this entry finished last night, I ended up in Emergency. I thought I was fighting my annual bronchitis but instead I have walking pneumonia so I had a 12 hour date early this morning with an IV pole.

I must have been sicker than I felt because I wasn't there more than an hour and already asleep as soon as the chest films were finished. 

Slept from 3:00 am until 10:30 am, then spent some time Tweeting on my Droid and signed out at 12:00 noon. Only problem, once I signed the discharge papers they still hadn't removed my IV line from the antibiotics & saline, so I was waiting almost another hour for that.

Annie Lennox - "Why"

from the Diva album

Eurythmics - "Love is a Stranger"

I was going to head out to the Immedicenter today but at 1 am last night J just looked at me and said "You're going to the ER tonight." So I packed my overnight case, phone and a change of clothes and left with her half an hour later. I know a losing fight when I see one. I didn't have a chance in hell.

Power Station - "Get It On (Bang a Gong)"

Laura Branigan - "Gloria"

Helen Reddy - "Angie Baby"

I have always liked the way this video author used The Sims 2 as her canvas 

to make an animated music vision. 

Today's Double (make that Triple) Feature is my Mum's favorite artist.

After hearing her laughter in my head while

I remember her watching Tiswas with Dad, 

it also sadly reminds me the Cure for Huntington's Disease 

is too late for many. 

Linda Ronstadt - "When Will I be Loved"

Linda Ronstadt -"You're No Good"

About here my temperature started to spike, so if I don't appear to make sense I probably don't. I'm at 102 degrees.. and under a physician's care.

The Stone Poneys - "Different Drum"

Mum definitively danced to a Different Drummer, in a good way. It was from her that I learned to stand up and be independently minded instead of just the next man on the block.I love being the 'not-so-quiet' Library Aide, the man who listens to Trance in his 40's and  helps supply the local "Occupy Santa Barbara" down in Del a Guerra Plaza.  Over 5 years ago, I was at the same plaza supporting the Print Teamsters Union protesting against the local newspaper gagging their reporters over union activities.

Okay, time for my antibiotics, inhaler and cough syrup along with my regular nighttime meds. Then off to bed I go. Its now 11:30pm and I'm awake and still tired. J finally pulled me off the couch and helped me into my pj's and in bed. I don't remember the last time I've had to have this much help while sick, not including the pox. 

Its embarrassing. Its also more than a bit humiliating. Okay,its outright emasculating to have someone who I have a romantic relationship with change me out of my clothes and undies, into my PJ's and take me into the toilet to wash my face and brush myteeth. I outright wanted to die.


I had one of those a-Ha moments. Let's be honest here. Its not going uphill from here.


Now if we can only curl up and sleep. If I can't sleep in a hour, J filled my Lunesta sleeping pill (she knows me all to well), and I'll take one of those.


You know what really scared me tonight? What if I was living alone? Who would take care of me then?


$hit Mum, I don't know how you handled Dad caring for you the months you managed to have this kind of dual relationship. Bless both of you for loving each other.


G'Nite, Your son..... 


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