On the Road with Dave and Paul

Joni Mitchell-"Circle Game"

"I've got AIDS, You've got Huntington's. That means one thing, buddy. ROAD TRIP!"

Yes, my friend Dave said it in those exact terms.

Heaven 17-"Geisha Boys and Temple Girls"

Our road trips had taken on almost epic status. Both of us had grown up without proper coping techniques for life. We had used anything and everything to escape. For that last years of our lives, that included rental cars and any highway that would have us (What, you think he'd take his beloved Lexis on a road trip, where would we fit our food?).

The Eagles-"Hotel California"

My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim

I had to stop for the night

There she stood in the doorway;

I heard the mission bell

And I was thinking to myself,

'this could be heaven or this could be hell'

Over the years we drove all the way down and then up the Pacific Coast Highway (aka Highway 1). On the way we stopped over to stay at the beautiful Hotel California, Palm Springs, simply because we already knew the one in Santa Barbara and wanted to compare notes over the infamous lyrics of the song of the same name. I wouldn't miss this hotel if you  have never been. I've already booked a room for March 1st of next year.

Rent Motion Picture Soundtrack-"No Day Like Today"

Then there was the trip through the Texas Panhandle. This was probably our craziest road trip of all. Dave and I had never been to Texas, and we were undergoing a lot of personal stress. His twins had just been born, he had tested positive for AIDS, and my neurologist had made an early diagnosis of Huntington's Disease based on soft symptoms. In addition, I had just purchased a home with my girlfriend at the time. We needed to get away through a safe outlet, and we knew the best time was now before we both ended up escaping in a self-destructive way.

We were lucky. We had lovers who understood that as long as took care of our responsibilities it was a healthy outlet that would strengthen our home relationships more than if we ended up using and drinking.

So off to Texas we went, just because we could. We took an AA meeting guide and called Central Office in each town we reached. We managed to fit in a different meeting each day while on the road. It is very true when you read that the more you go, the more the meetings stay the same. The only difference was the accents of the people who welcomed us as visitors to their kind towns. We attended meetings on Indian Reservations, in the middle of the sticks, and even one where the majority of people were military members in uniform.

Counting Crows - "Big Yellow Taxi"

Of all the things that will stay with me on these road trips is the music. Dave worked in music studios as a career and he could explain why certain music sounded the way it did. Most importantly, he taught me that good music knows when to be quiet. Well, just like life.

Depeche Mode-"Master and Servant"

Take this song for example (it was one of several we discussed to death while our spouse's eyes glazed over). In the beginning there is this complete silence in between each of the three men's vocals. Only then does it even introduce musical instruments in the form of the emulator and then a synthesizer to add to the lead vocals. Dave thought this is where the multitude of remixes failed on this song. They took what made this song unique and turned it into just another generic remix by removing the build up. 

Is it any wonder now that these road trips with their resulting discussions were just as mentally helpful to our wives as to us? You see, this was just the tip of the iceberg. We would then list and name half a dozen of the remixes and then debate the failures and possibilities of each of them. 

Pet Shop Boys-"West End Girls (12" Dance Remix)"

This is another song that fails as a remix because the important buildup is destroyed as soon as the first note comes out of your stereo system. We would have our windows wide open and be singing to the PSB as naturally as most men sang to Eminem. No wonder we got so many strange looks in states like Alabama.

Speaking of road trips, we had just planned on driving up the coast to Washington State later in March while he was in between contracts. I think I'm going to pass and just watch something on the travel channel. Road trips aren't fun alone, and somehow I don't see Jane rocking it out to the Pet Shop Boy's "Always On My Mind"

Terry Jacks-"Season's in the Sun"

RIP My Friend

You have a safe trip now

Right Now

I'm half asleep but there are several things that excited me tonight. The first is this new song by Sheffield native Hiem. I like to promote local electronic music so I was honoured when Hiem hit me up in IM to notify me their  new song, which goes on sale today, features Philip Oakey. Here it is for your listening pleasure:

Hiem and Phil Oakey-"2AM"

Also today I was listening to a lot of early Human League and Heaven 17.

The Human League-"Black Hit of Space"

Heaven 17-"Geisha Boys and Temple Girls"

Speaking of Heaven 17, I found a rare clip of the Red Hot Chili Peppers performing a cover of one of their songs. So I twitted it with a link to Heaven 17 member Martyn Ware (formally of Human League) at the end so it would show up in his feed if he hadn't seen it. 

Red Hot Chili Peppers-"We Don't Need No Facist Groove Thang"

I don't know if he'd seen it before but he must have liked it because he twitted the link with a thank you to me. I know its dumb, but I've been a fan of his since I was literally ten years old. To get the digital equivalent of an autograph is still cool, no matter how old I am.

February is Rare Disease Month. Huntington's Disease falls into that catagory so many people are wearing blue on their daily clothes to show support. My wife actually put on blue nail polish. Every time someone asks her about it, there is a chance for Jane to educate them about Huntington's, as well as put a face with the disease.

Joy Division-"Atmosphere"

As part of Grand Round's recognizing Rare Disease Month, I was asked to pick out the best in Medical Blogging on 28 February of this year. I'll be giving you more information the closer we get. This is very important because it will bring more recognition of HD to the general medical community.   

Van Halen-"Right Now"

I went off on a friend's Facebook Wall this morning. I didn't realize how upset I am that there isn't much support for those of us who currently suffer from HD. I blasted the HDSA for lack of support. What is there right now that  helps our quality of life? Nothing except older medicines that treat the symptoms. There is only one drug that is targeted toward HD patients and it only helps chorea symptoms. It does nothing to slow or stop the disease. 

So many people have gone to the so-called "Centers of Excellence". Some get good treatment but there are so many like me who don't. We are treated by doctor's not familiar with HD, who only count the physical symptoms. There is nothing for us NOW. Its time to do something, and thank goodness there are people starting to do that, like We Have a Face

I think that is it, so I'm going back to the BBC to keep an ear on Syria. 

Catch Paul Ware on Facebook or Twitter. I can also be reached via email (delete no spam) but much prefer the Facebook message option. The comments section is fine too.

Want to know when the next blog is coming out or recommend it to a friend? There is an easy Facebook page for that now.

Will I?

Before I say anything else, I want to thank everyone for their kind words the last couple of weeks. They mean more than you know.


I've been so quiet lately simply because I don't want to talk. Its a symptom of my depression from Huntington's Disease, but more than that I've just been contemplative.  One thing I have been doing more of is reading. The Kindle has really reopened the world of books to me.

Howard Jones-"Things Can Only Get Better"

On top of the lack of initiative is a splitting headache and a malaise I haven't been able to track down and life hasn't been the cheeriest this week.

The good news is my cat is doing better. Once I brought home the money in case I would have to take her to the vet and she started eating, grooming herself, using her box, and even playing with her sister again. If I didn't know better I'd think just the fact she knows she has an out has brought her comfort. It wouldn't surprise me. She's a very smart cookie.

Human League-"Blind Youth"

Lately I've had early Human League running through my head. "Blind Youth" and "Empire State Human" aren't the most melodic songs to be stuck on repeat but this last week I haven't been able to shake them. 

The Human League-"Empire State Human"

Adding Heaven 17's Temptation to my mental trio and you could say my head's been in a Martyn Ware state of mind.

Heaven 17-"Temptation (Original Demo)"

Between the Namenda and my Kindle I've found myself spending most of my days reading again. Its driving Jane up the wall because I'm so quiet again she's having to adjust. 

Bronski Beat and Marc Almond-"I Feel Love"

When I'm not reading we've been taking advantage of the new couch and having the telly hooked up to Netflix and DVD players. We've been watching a movie together most evenings this past week.

Fellow Sheffield United fan P. d. Heaton 

The Housemartins-"Flag Day"

The Housemartins-"Get Up Off Our Knees"

One thing I did manage to accomplish this week was setting up a blog for my wife. She had decided she didn't want full read/write privileges here as she doesn't read my blog on a regular basis (she feels more comfortable giving me space to write my thoughts without her having to intrude by reading them.) Then I moved her posts from here onto her blog, so all of her writing will be in one place.

The odd thing is this week I just haven't been on the computer that much. Facebook is checked once a day, I'll send a couple tweets on my phone, and that's about it. 

Tracy Chapman-"Fast Car"

In all honesty, I've been future tripping a lot. The problem with future tripping is that when you have Huntington's there isn't much in the future. Things my mind have been focusing on include how I will die, when I will die, and my relationship with others at the time of my death.

Simple Minds-"Alive and Kicking"

I'm not doing this in a depressed sort of way, but more of a factual sort of way. My therapist said its because I'm in the final stage of facing my HD: acceptance. For obvious reasons this has made me introspective.

Depeche Mode-"Enjoy The Silence"

This isn't something I can talk about. My wife wouldn't understand because she's not in my body, I don't feel comfortable talking about it with friends, and to be honest there isn't much to talk about. Where I am is more of a state of being than a  set of thoughts.

The Cars-"Drive"

My mum has also been on my mind. I wonder about the afterlife, if there is one, and if I will ever see her again. Sometimes lately I just miss her. I want to hear her laugh, see her smile, and be there for her when she cries. This is my way of saying "Dammit, sometimes I just miss her." 

Its times like this that I loathe HD.

Mike and The Mechanics-"The Living Years"

At the same time I wonder about my wife and our child: how much will I be able to see of their lives, what and how will they see mine, what will we have the chance to experience together?

Rent Motion Picture Cast-"Will I"

These thoughts are actually liberating. Its as if they were being held back by a mental.wall, and now that its  down everything is rushing out like water behind a dam. When they stop running it actually feels cleansing. 

Because no matter how hard we look life is just a bunch of

Small Circles

The Rainmakers-"Small Circles"

G'Nite now.

Catch Paul Ware on Facebook or Twitter. I can also be reached via email (delete no spam) but much prefer the Facebook message option. The comments section is fine too.

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Seconds

Today is just here. It started off with a bang when I fell asleep early only to wake up ten minutes later to Jane upset and trying to fix a flooding toilet. Once that was under control she was able to go to sleep, but I was awake for good. 

On the positive side, I haven't had a seizure in the last 24 hours. I'm hoping to make it 48. The lack of sleep my neurologist told me can be a danger sign, so when I finish up my blog I'll have something to eat and then relax with my book.

Heaven 17-"Let Me Go"

Watching this video of Let Me Go always shocks me at how young Martyn Ware and Ian Craig Marsh were. By this time they had already been kicked out of the band (Human League) they had formed by the singer Martyn had recruited (Philip Oakey). Oakey kept the name, and accruing debt, while Marsh and Ware gained the creative control they wanted. Interestingly, Heaven 17 gained through lead singer Glenn Gregory the basic line-up Ware had preferred for Human League a few years prior. At that time Gregory was not available so they went with runner up Oakey.

Their losses were our gains as we now have two bands to enjoy.

Heaven 17-"Geisha Boys And Temple Girls"

Geisha Boys is actually a cover of their own songs. Marsh and Ware produced an album of another band covering tunes they had written with Oakey. Geisha Boys is among that later group of songs. It was only after the failure of the Hot Gossip project that Heaven 17 recorded their own version.

Human League-"Fascination"

Between Geisha Boys and Fascination you can hear a natural progression such as it were. Neither band would want to admit that the break was what both groups of individuals needed to thrive. I was discussing the fact this song is only available on one of their multitude of Greatest Hits albums, "The Very Best of..." so if you are ever buying  one, this is the one you want.

Here in Seconds it could just as easily be Heaven 17. Their shared influences spoke through their music.

Human League-"Seconds"

Oh, by the way all is well in Sheffield. Heaven 17 and Human League have actually toured together on a shared billing. There are very little hard feelings.

Depeche Mode-"Enjoy The Silence"

Their are several versions of "Enjoy the Silence" to choose from. I had it down to two, the original with Dave Gahan in a robe and crown overlooking a cliff and this performance. I went with the World Trade Center for prosperity sake. In addition, this song speaks of the danger when we are too careful with our word choice, a theme that is played out in the media since 9/11. There was also a more personal meaning. This video was recorded in 1990. Judging by his physical build Gahan was in the throes of his heroin addiction. When this song came out I was just nearing my peak of alcohol abuse. There was many a night when it would be this album, a bottle of booze and me alone in the room. 

For those that aren't aware, people who are gene-positive for Huntington's Disease have a higher incidence of both substance and alcohol abuse.  I personally feel this is one of the issues that need to be brought out in the community and addressed. Until it does we are each but a  lone voice speaking about two diseases when we might only be dealing with one.

Depeche Mode-"Shake the Disease"

And I'll end today on a more positive note. Remember to treat those around you as you would like to be treated. We're all in this thing called the human race together.

Depeche Mode-"Master and Servent"

Catch Paul Ware on Facebook or Twitter. I can also be reached via email (delete no spam) but much prefer the Facebook message option. The comments section is fine too.

Want to know when the next blog is coming out or recommend it to a friend? There is an easy Facebook page for that now.

Please emotions, kick me in the pants again

Really suffering from a lack of get up and go lately. I want to blame it on depression but I don't know if that what's causing it.

U2-The Refugee

Her Momma says one day she's going to live in America

I had a couple basic errands I put off today for no reason at all. I was saying the reason for my delay was because I was charging my smartphone but  it started charging at 50% which was fine for the two hours I was gone.

U2-Stay Faraway (So Close)

Today is the first day in a long time that the house felt empty while Jane was at work. Usually I feel fine doing my own thing as I've always been happy with my solitary time. Today I felt the empty walls. It could be simply everything that's been on my mind lately. That can do it to anyone.

As much as I didn't use my auto, I do miss driving. The public transportation system here outright sucks. The bus line stops running into my neighborhood at 6 pm. There is one bus that runs into Santa Barbara after that, and it runs at 7:30. The good thing is it always makes sure I'm home for dinner.

Phil Collins-"In the Air Tonight"

Some days I really miss working. I loved that job. It was fulfilling to do that type of work. Although much of it was naturally solitary, at times I also worked the circulation desk and had interactions with many of the students. Also, this time of the semester they would come pouring in as they began research for their term papers. One of my jobs was, naturally, to help them find what they needed. Surprisingly, most students did not go back to the reference desk but went straight to the shelves. How many times I came to  help a poor lost student find what they needed I can't count.

Eminem-"Not Afraid"

I love the above song, actually the whole album, because he speaks of working on improving himself. That is a message we all can learn from. Specifically I've always been impressed with what he says about getting rid of his demons. 

Heaven 17-Geisha Boys and Temple Girls 

Just because I can slip it in here

Human League-"Deep Feeling (Fascination)

This song has a long history with me. I owned the EP back home. I didn't move my vinyl music with me as I thought the temperature would ruin it anyway. This was among those I planned to replace once I settled down. What I didn't plan on was that America doesn't sell the EP. Its not a popular format here. This song wasn't featured on their first several greatest hits collection for some unknown reason. So I was stuck without my favorite song for a decade.

Finally I found a new "Very Best of" collection on CD. This did have the elusive track. So I purchased straight off at the Amazon website. This was back in the day, mind you, when Amazon only sold books and music.

I much preferred this performance to the actual video. Its fun to watch the vocal travel down the line as each sings their lines. It was a bit of an ensemble piece, which one doesn't find often in popular music. Its also the last great  piece by this incarnation of the band 

As much as I like the three L's -Louise, Life on My Own, Lebanon- I abhor Hysteria. Its one of crappest albums they've made and if you've heard Crash you know that's saying a hell of a lot. Its no wonder they went into a tailspin after those two albums  (two members left, JoAnne had a nervous breakdown and her house & bandmate Philip suffered from a severe depressive episode). 

Another elusive EP is the brilliant Magical Mystery Tour by the Beatles which was only released as a full sized LP in the States, losing the feel of the original.

The Beatles-"Your Mother Should Know"

Tonight turned into something absolutely horrid. Jane came home early from work, and I  walked in the door soon after from some errands. First off was the announcement that she telephoned Kris (pseudonym), an ex-lover of mine. We had an eight year relationship that ended when she got knocked up by another bloke and wanted me to raise her child. I refused but we managed to part on amicable terms and I keep in touch twice a year as godfather to her son. The amazing thing is the lad is more religious than either of us, which says a lot considering most of my adult live I considered myself an atheist. 

Anyway, Jane called her and they had a "nice chat". I bet it was.  Kris and I broke up primarily because of my refusal to raise her baby, but my drinking played too large a role in that relationship for it to survive. I'm the first to admit that fault. 

Jane told Kris of her engagement and wanted to know if Kris felt there was something she needed to know. Kris did what most jilted lover's would do, she laid out every horrid thing in our relationship and then some. 

The Beatles-"You've Got to Hide Your Love Away"

Jane finally confronted me with "She told me you never mentioned you were at risk of getting Huntington's Disease to her" which was the truth. There was no reason too. I couldn't father children, so I wasn't going to pass anything on to her offspring. I wasn't symptomatic (that I was aware of) so no issue there. I wasn't in a relationship I expected to be in for the rest of my life so no "trust" issues. 

I spent the middle part of my life running from this disease, I wasn't going to shout from the rooftops about it. Not then, unlike now. I figured if I mentioned it she would run to the hills.

Twenty-two years ago there wasn't the support for people "at risk" that there is today. We lived in closets, hiding out.  We didn't fit in either side of the spectrum. If I didn't have HD, then what was there to worry about?

SuperTramp-"Take the Long Way Home"

So now Jane is thinking if I could "hide" something like that from Kris that I would hide something like it from her. If only she would understand how different my relationship with her is from the ones I've had before. How different I am as well. Instead, my impression is she's thinking I'm going to betray her.

The last few days have been very emotional. Good and Bad, but not indifferent. Yesterday night we went out and I bought her engagement ring. Its beautiful and exactly what she wanted. Saturday was another matter. 

You know what? This isn't worth it. I'm going to go and eat my words. Tell her how very sorry I am she's feeling betrayed. Because you know what? I am sorry she feels that way. Its a sucky way to feel. 

I probably haven't been on my best behaviour either. The tears on my pillowcase should be telling me that

The insurance is giving me hiccups on my antidepressant, making tonight the third night I haven't taken it. The chemist told me today that if it isn't covered by tomorrow he'll fill a few tomorrow 9 a.m. sharp to hold me over. It would have been nice if the man working Saturday had offered but why look a gift horse in the mouth.

The first of two brilliant songs about New Orleans

The Animals-"House of The Rising Sun"

So out I trot to the living room to find my fiancee crying? WTF had Kris told her besides the drinking, leaving her in time of need (she was the one sleeping around), and the HD. No one upsets Jane without going through me. I go from repentant to pissed in point five seconds. 

Ike & Tina Turner-"Proud Mary"

It turns out that Kris had told Jane that I had slept around on her. I did a lot of things in that relationship but one thing I didn't do was sleep around. This was the height of AIDS paranoia when OMG it was infecting the straight population. There was no way I was sleeping around. So Jane was crying thinking I might have done the same to her. I was shocked, and sad, but mostly just angry.  I think my instantaneous anger towards Kris for lying answered any question in her mind about whether I would ever sleep around on her. 

I still told her about the antidepressant, and she said that made a lot of sense as I've seemed slightly off kilter the last few days. We decided to take the dinners that we'd been cooking parallel to each other, and eat together and then watch Pollock. Its a favourite of mine that she's never seen before. I was surprised to hear that she wanted to see it, but she said a friend at work had also spoken highly of Ed Harris' dream film. 

Not many actors would be willing to call in their chips to make a film about a painter. I think it says a lot about Harris's character. If you haven't seen the film, I highly recommend it.

On that note, its been a very long day for me. I'm heading out of here to grab dinner, a movie and some good company before I fall dead asleep.

Catch Paul Ware on Facebook or Twitter. I can also be reached via email (delete no spam) but much prefer the Facebook message option.

Testing and driving

Mood 2.5
Anxiety 5.0

Let's just say my mood is low enough I don't want to be alone.

It is starting to look like the time to give up my driving licence. I don't use it very much anymore for starters. In all honesty, I'm fearful to get behind the wheel most of the time. What good is that?

I still have it, and will keep it around the house for emergencies but outside driving to the hospital I guess I simply shouldn't drive anymore.  Even when I make plans most days I end up on a taxi or public transport. So off it will go into J's wallet tonight.

I don't know what is happening lately but I just want to cry and cry.

Maybe its the licence thing, I used to adore to drive. It was a relaxing activity, dating back to my years in Sheffield. Maybe its just my depression, goodness I was so depressed earlier I fell asleep in the middle of the night leaning on our living room table, not the most comfortable of places.

Holy Cow you can actually make out the lyrics in this version!

Manfred Mann's Blinded by the Light

There is only one thing that sounds decent to me right now, but its not really an option. That's a drink. I would die for a good Absinthe but it would do the same for me. 

Huntington's versus Alcoholism? That's a race I don't want to watch, thank you very much.

Bob Fosse's Cabaret has several excellent songs. Here are two of them as our Double Feature. First up is one of the most romantic scenes portrayed in a film. It simply consists of two  ordinary lovers doing ordinary things. It doesn't try to be anything special, so it becomes gorgeous. That is Fosse's gift.

Click through to watch ....

Here is one of the scariest scenes I've seen in a film. There is no blood or guts. There is  no implied blood or guts. Yet Fosse has all of us know exactly what the people symbolize, and that is the death of eight million people.

Again, click through....Come on now...click through. It's Fosse so its worth it. Would I lie to you?

Okay, I wouldn't lie to you, but she might... The Eurthymics 

There is so much to catch up on today. Even though I'm seriously depressed I'm finally recovering from the antibiotics that knocked all the energy from me.

First, I woke up to this interesting blog on being tested. I can't find the link now for the sake of me, but if my memory comes back I'll insert it for you. [Edited on Nov. 7, 2011, 08:27 P.M. Link is Here. I really recommend you take some time to read it] As you probably don't know (as only one person outside of my house has been informed) I finally went in, put the cash down and did the whole genetic counseling thing along with the blood draw. I asked J to go with me for moral support, which she was kind enough to do, in handfuls.

First, since this draw was done at a Center of Excellence they put A LOT of weight on the physical symptoms. It meant less than nothing to them that I had been on anti-depressants starting at age 25 after running across a freeway for example. This becomes important later.

After they spent time explaining to us (J came with me for the simple fact I was too scared to do this alone) where the affected Htt Gene is located on Chromosome 4  and so on. It was then that I realized most of this information she was hearing for the first time. I never deliberately tried to hide any information from her, but who wants to hear about the genetics of someone else's illness. I felt she would find it boring but just the opposite. She wanted to know about it. Everything about it.  Each and every pamphlet that wasn't nailed down was in her folder by the end of the two hour session.

J looked as if she was researching for her new career

as a Paperback Writer!

So we go in for the blood draw and in a little over a month, and a second visit, I came back for the results. They won't tell you you're CAG repeats when they tell you the result. Since I have been diagnosed based on symptoms, I don't need to know if its in my genes. That's a bit obvious. I need to know what my CAG repeats are, as they CAN give an inclination to the speed my HD can move among other things. They finally admit that if I call when I get home and still wish to know they will share it at that time.

Six weeks later we drove back down. Sure enough, based on my CAG repeats I have Huntington's Disease.So here we are driving home and I've this piece of paper in my hands that states I do for a fact have HD. Its first real "proof" I've ever seen of my HD on paper. A third of the way back to Santa Barbara in Malibu it hits me like a ton of bricks and I start bawling. We pulled up and got down on the sand to watch some surfers. By then we were both cold and hungry. After struggling to get up and about, I managed to gather a menu and ordered a Malibu Priced burger, chocolate shake and really enjoyed it.

 And no, they still won't tell me what the repeats are. Once we make the drive home I call as I enter our house. This is when I get shock number 2. My CAG repeats are over 150. That's JHD range! I asked the doctor on the telephone about this (while trying to get the speaker phone itself to work so J can hear) and he had several working theories. The first is that I got it from father and checked off the incorrect box. We both knew that was not true. Second, since my mother's family preferred to keep these things quiet.they may have encouraged her to hide some of her psychological symptoms from my father when they dated. If that is the case, she could have a higher CAG repeats as she died before genetic testing was available.

However, they didn't consider this during her pre-symptomatic period time (remember this was a Centre of Excellence and they really  emphasis the physical symptoms). They have nearly completely ignored my anxiety and depression that left me bed ridden, caused me to drop out of school after my O levels for menial  labor  and caused me to run onto an busy motorway all by age twenty-five. It wasn't until I later left for the states and received a second chance at a new medication (Paxil) for depression & anxiety followed by obtaining a Bachelor's Degree in Library Science that I was able to begin to get my life on track.

Never seen so much talent in one video

and that includes all of the charity videos.

Johnny Cash - "God's Going to Cut Them Down"

Third and finally, with a CAG this high, I should most likely be dead, or in much worse condition than I am. The only thing I can guess, and this is truly a guess on my part, is that when I go from bad to worse, it always has been a very large jump. For example, I can tell you now that this next progression that has just started will most likely be primarily physical symptoms. When I drink I can already feel the liquid catch and try to go down the wrong way several times daily. Then the circular walking issue that started six months ago, and the issues where my typing words go on repeat. Plus of course the OCD that has been getting gradually worse and more controlling. 

Unlike my teenage years I can now enjoy both 

Heaven 17 and Human League. 

In Sheffield you had to take a side between the two bands.

Somebody wants to curl up here at midnight. I started the Melatonin (thank you Melatonin Mice for your service) tonight and feel it starting to work so I'm going to head off with those two pleasant thoughts.

I didn't know this even had a video

Paul Young - "Everytime You Go Away"

Mood 6.0

Anxiety 2.5

G'nite and sleep well

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