Up All Night

I managed seven hours of sleep last night. I'm still yawning but feeling better than I did yesterday when I was running on only two hours of sleep and a migraine headache. The two days before I was running on six and two hours of sleep.

Lionel Richie-"All Night Long"

So I was on YouTube this morning when it recommended "I Need Your Loving" by the Human League. I made the mistake of clicking on the link. Two minutes into it reminded me why I have only played Crash once when it put it on my phone. I mean, it really doesn't get any worse than this. It was funny in a sick sort of way, like watching a car crash. Let me just say it was so bad I don't want to contaminate my blog.

Seriously, it reminded me of why the band pulled out of the sessions leaving the producers Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis to finish the album without them. I mean, they had to finish it with session musicians because the band walked out. 

Need I Say More? 

The Human League-"Circus of Death"

Today I am able to fight my headache. I have knots on both sides of the base of my skull. The pain is radiating to the top of my head on both sides. That's why I haven't been online much of the last few days. I should have known I was sicker than I had thought when people on Twitter noticed my absence and were concerned.

Simple Minds-"All The Things She Said"

I don't know what caused this migraine but its an extremely vicious one that just keeps coming back. I finally talked to my psychiatrist about it last night and he called in some medication (I don't have a primary care doctor yet). It was after pharmacy hours so I can't pick it up until tomorrow as all the ones around here are closed on Sunday. At least I know an end is in sight.

Today's Double Feature, the late great Whitney Houston

Whitney Houston - "I Wanna Dance With Somebody"

I'm still in shock over Whitney Houston's death. Although not a big fan of her music, I always liked her voice. I share many memories of her with my sister who loved Whitney. I bought my sister the first two albums by Whitney when she was a kid.

Whitney Houston-"I Will Always Love You"

My sister had this 45. One day she came home and proceeded to play it over and over again. I finally snapped and tore it off the family stereo, proceeded to stomp on it and then snap it in both directions. I've never seen vinyl shards like that day. As a big brother I then felt bad so two days later I bought her the entire "The Bodyguard" soundtrack. All was forgiven and I no longer heard this one song over and over again (I had stopped counting at 20 the day of the record destruction)

Although I have a lot of musical respect for Whitney, I still much prefer Dolly Parton's original recording of this gem. 

Dolly Parton-"I Will Always Love You"

"Mine is only one of the millions of hearts broken over the death of Whitney Houston, I will always be grateful and in awe of the wonderful performance she did on my song and I can truly say from the bottom of my heart, 'Whitney, I will always love you. You will be missed.'"  Dolly Parton

I've been reading near constantly. Its the only activity that is helping pass through the pain, and it helps me to escape. When I'm able I have been playing Depeche Mode or Human League. 

Depeche Mode-"Master and Servant"

My choices have been eclectic at best. My choices by Depeche have been very down the middle of their catalogue while my choices of Human League are the exact opposite. I've been playing music from the earliest and most recent CDs while ignoring their more famous albums altogether. Its rather odd.

The Human League-"Night People"

Credo is more trance than anything, and lately I've really been enjoying this style of music.

Paul Oakenfold-"Delerium Silence"

Oakenfold has always been my favourite trance artist & DJ.The man is brilliant. Also I don't feel so old when I listen to his music. He's six years older than me and rocks the house, so I see hope for me yet.

Berlin-"The Metro (extended)"

My ear today has been on bands that are fronted by women. From Berlin and The Motels to Bananarama and The Go-Gos. There were quite a few women in bands back then. Add in others in duos like Allison Moyet and Annie Lennox to really round out a good afternoon of musical choices. 

The Motels-"Suddenly Last Summer"

This song by The Motels always brings back strong memories of my last carefree summer. It was released right before I went completely into SynthPop and was listening to a lot of American pop music. In fact, I can list all the British musicians I enjoyed on one hand. 

U2-"The Refugee"

I did not get a true appreciation for U2 until I was an adult. Looking back, their early music was too heavy for me to understand. Same way with Depeche Mode. I liked their first album Speak and Spell, the rest of their music had to wait until I matured.Now I will travel half way across America to see either of these bands live. Like Peter Gabriel, they know how to rock the house down. 

On that note, I'm going to close with a live version from each of these folks. Put your headphones on, turn the volume up high. These artists are going to take you to places you thought you'd never go to. 

Enjoy.

Peter Gabriel from the This Way Up Tour 1987

"Lay Your Hands on Me"

Depeche Mode on Touring The Angel 2006

"Enjoy The Silence"

U2 on The Joshua Tree tour

"Trip Through Your Wires"

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Madonna, Giorgio Moroder, mood swings and falling flat on my face in love

Mood 6.5

Good afternoon all. I'm having a really good day here. I had a chance to sleep in today and it felt good. When I woke up I feel like I do on Sundays. It was nice. I had my coffee and some late breakfast, a meal I've been neglecting lately. Then I headed off to the Shrink. More on that visit later. Still have a bit of anxiety but nothing like it was yesterday. 

I woke up to check my Facebook and saw this brilliant Huntington's Disease/Juvenile Huntington's Disease video by Brett Thomas. I'm passing it on and asking you to please  consider doing so yourself. Without educating the general public about Huntington's Disease people are misdiagnosed while their symptoms go untreated properly. This is unfair to those suffering from HD/JHD as well as those that care for them.

Huntinton's disease & JHD Awareness Video. from Brett Thomas on Vimeo.

Okay now on to some music. This first video you are either going to love or hate. Its a remix of Human League's Being Boiled. DJ Gcr has sampled a lot of other tracks in here. I dig it, but am interested in other people's visions when I listen to music.

Everybody Dance Now. 

I hope this entry doesn't seem fractured but I'm literally going back and forth between Old Grey Whistle Test on BBC2 and my videos for this blog. Bob Harris is interviewing Debbie Harry of Blondie.

I just love her hair in this performance. S-E-X-Y

She wouldn't have to worry about me pushing her aside.\

Errr... Back to the blog here. Sorry about that deviation boys and girls. She still warrant's today's double feature.

At this rate, this blog is  never going to be finished. Trevor Nelson's Soul Show is on now. My music here may be inspired by that. Here is the 80's classic by the Commodore's Nightshift

I rarely do dedications, but I would feel remiss if I didn't dedicate this 

to all the nurses at Hallamshire Hospital. Especially thinking of

those who worked the nightshift on the neuro floor when I 

was hospitalized. 

For those who don't know, I was the patient from hell. I didn't want to be on the neurological floor (who does), I had horrible memories from when  my mother was in the hospital, I knew what may be coming down the pipeline (brain degeneration until I die) and so I didn't sleep until utterly exhausted. I saw something more in every test ordered and how dare you make me take a sleeping tablet. How did I know that is really what is in that tablet? I remembered all the tablets they gave my mum. Thanks but I'll  pass. 

Imagine if I'd been admitted for something HD related.  I wasn't. I was there for a seizure from a high fever at age 14. They wanted to rule out a  few other conditions along with JHD which was done without genetic testing as it hadn't come into existence yet.

So night nurses, I thank you all. That was almost 30 years ago but I still remember my care there.

To explain it another way, this is what I thought was happening to me. I really saw the rest of my life ready to explode from within.

I'm not exaggerating. This is how I felt. 

Would you have wanted to be my night nurse?

I didn't think so.

Let's lighten up a bit here. I seriously do not want to go to sleep in a funk tonight,

Mood 4.0

The Seventies had some decent music.

Great actors in a great film. Its wonderful when your mood is in the tank...

Like mine is, right now.

DID I TELL YOU YET HOW MUCH I F'ING HATE THIS? I hate going from a good mood to a crappy one in the bat of an eye. IT SUCKS.

Thank you.

Now give me some Moroder and I might feel better.

Giorgio-you say? This is Kenny Loggins.

Actually Boys and Girls, Loggins was 3rd choice to sing this song

after Bryan Adams and Toto.

Although wildly associated with Disco music of the 1970's Moroder has won 3 Oscars 

• 1978 Best Original Score for Alan Parker's Midnight Express
• 1983 Best Song "Flashdance...What a Feeling"
• 1986 Best Song "Take My Breath Away" from Top Gun

Over the years he has collaborated with artists as diverse as Donna Summer (producing "I Feel Love"), Freddie Mercury (Soundtrack to "Metropolis") , Sparks (producing two albums No 1 in Heaven, and Terminal Jive), and Phillip Oakey ("Together in Electric Dreams" and Giorgio Moroder & Phillip Oakey)

Now that you know more than you ever wanted to about one of my musical heroes here is Berlin with a non-Moroder tune.

Berlin's Metro - extended version

Okay, this is seriously bad. I am coming back from a two hour anxiety attack that ended but the underlying depression is still here. 

Mood 5.0

Anxiety 8.0

Just took my night meds. After the first two nights, the Namenda isn't sedative at all. So that leaves me with having to sleep on Impramine and Lyrica. Those together aren't sedative enough. This is causing me to take Xanax to sleep. Xanax is a as-needed medication, I'm not supposed to take it to sleep. 

Which brings me to my visit with the shrink today. You know, when my day was still going pretty well? Well it went...well. I didn't tell him I'm taking the Xanax to sleep but did tell him I had stopped taking the Haldol after a couple days because it was making me lethargic and possibly making some other symptoms come out, specifically night kicking and during the day leg jerking.

 In fact, it was while I was on the Haldol that I fell down in soda aisle in the grocery store. Not too fun, let me tell you.

He wasn't happy at all about this but agreed to a trial of one week to see how continue to do without it. 

This interesting article was posted by a follower on Twitter Power From the People-Human Batteries.  

You know you're now an internet addict when...your girlfriend crawls into bed early with her book while you  finish up your blog. 

Mood 6.0 and raising

Anxiety 4.5 and lowering (I usually live in the 3s. I'm rarely anxiety free). I need to drop to three to sleep.

My understanding of this song is in burned in my heart.

This Tracy Chapman song resonates to me on so many different levels. It reminds me of leaving school after my O levels (now GCSE) to help my father take care of my Mum. I always wanted to run away from home and just keep driving. After her suicide that is exactly what I did, I took what little savings I had from my job, my life insurance policy and ran to America. I've never looked back. I visit home when I can, and I still vote but those are my only ties now with Britain. Oh, I also support the UK's Huntington's Disease Association financially with donations.

This is a sad song from a very sad movie.

Madonna's Live to Tell from At Close Range

If you haven't seen At Close Range run, don't walk, to the nearest video rental store. It is based on a true story and involves a troubled family including a father who is a burglar for a living. The premise sounds lame but it's actually a great character study. Christopher Walken, Sean Penn and Chris Penn all give staring performances.

On another level this song reminds me of how those of us with HD hide it. We hide it among ourselves and from the world. Often we deny it even when the symptoms are all there. In fact, some studies have shown that in fact denial can actually be a mental manifestation of the disease.

I love this song. It shows to me that Parker was able to get

a fabulous performance out of Madonna as Evita.

One thing I learned from this song is not to look down. If I do I'm only looking at the past and what good is that? I need to look toward the future and make my  own plans. that is one reason to this day I adore Electronica music. Its future moving my its nature.

Nope, I have no Irish Blood in me that I'm aware of 

however a friend of mine had a grandmother who sang

this song to her. Once it was played for me several times

it became a song with deep meaning for me.

For those of you who don't know the Spanish Lady is Death.

I've been thinking of death a lot lately. Most likely as I still have to make copies of my notarized living will and mail it off to the state so they have a copy. Its such a reminder to me that I won't be living a life of normal length, and that is fearful.

This album cut is just so moving. It reminds me that no matter

how low our opinions are of ourselves there are others

who care about us.

This is what true prayer should be, 

prayer for others and not ourselves.

This is one of the big issues I have with life in America

People are taught that they can do and be anything

yet you go through other parts of the country and its a

good dinner if you have beans and rice. 

Now I'm starting to relax. The backrub I'm getting as I type isn't hurting so I'm going to end with a couple love songs.

As you all know by now, this is the ultimate love song for the relationship

I have right now. I really feel that I won't be walking out the door.

In fact, I'm on the mortgage papers and own half of our house

I'll do it for you

J, You know I would

J, I love you.
I really do.
I hope I can spend the rest of my life with you
and tonight I'm finally going to tell  you that.

Mood 8

Anxiety 1.5

G'nite everyone.

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Ahearn story, More Depression,poetry and other news

First up, a new article on Amy Ahearn is here with more details. Please read, share and the closer you live to Norwalk or Cerritos (auto square!) the better. I'm an hour north but will have a few copies made up to post in high traffic areas. 


Next up, I'm exhausted. I'm beyond exhausted. I'm sick to my gut and was only able to keep soup down last night. I felt terrible as my girlfriend (as Facebook nicely says "It's Complicated") had made a nice dinner. I felt just awful. Then today before the plumber came back I made it to my dad's and to the bank to get my current living will notarized. Now I need to xerox it and mail it to the California Secretary of State. I recently discovered in California  you don't need to be a citizen to take advantage of this service. For ten dollars I'll have an Advance Directive that "moves around the state" with me, that is peace of mind. 

This is the Future, a band made up of Martyn Ware and Ian Curtis Marsh of Heaven 17 before they added a vocalist to become The Human League. Ware and Marsh left several years later, when Philip Oakey took the The League's name, large debts to Virgin Records and added Sue Anne Sulley and Joanne Catherall to cover for the now lack of Ware's higher tone backing vocals. I really like The Future's sound. 

I went down for my nap after the plumber left and woke up early, it was 5 p.m. but felt like I'd slept so late I missed dinner. What scared the crap out of me was before I'd even opened my eyes I was thinking to myself "Enough of this, I give up." Its times like this I am so very thankful I'm not living alone. I immediately told her what I was thinking and she's brushing it up to the remnants of my old carb heavy diet combined with lack of nutrition the last two days. I hope she's right, but I know who to call if I need professional help which is half the battle. 

Then I drank some Gatorade to be safe until I ate dinner. I've been in a bit, okay a lot, of pain the last few days as well and the pain meds I take upset my stomach. I wasn't the brightest bulb on the block when I refused to take my anti-nausea pill. Its in the family of anti-psychotics as most of them are, and make me uncomfortable. Tales of things which may come in the future so-to-speak have a tendency to spook me. As a consequence my anti-depressant and mood-stabilizers came up at night. Next time I'm taking Naproxen instead of the narcotic. This is a second time since January I've had trouble with a narcotic pain killer. 

For all I know the depression could be a blood sugar issue or med withdrawal. Just in case I  need to make an appointment Monday to see the doctor about blood work.

. Berlin- The Metro

While waiting for the bus (I didn't feel safe to drive today) I was reading an interesting piece in Trish Dainton's book Curse in Verse & Much More Worse (pg 92) today that really struck home. According to a prominent HD researcher the unknown part of the brain that enjoys and appreciates music does not turn off in the degeneration of Huntington's Disease.

 I think the premise of this blog is proof of this!

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