Bad lip syncing, George Michael and more.

Mood 5.5

Anxiety 2.0

I haven't been sleeping well lately. I spent over 24 hours in a medicated sleep. I wake up every four hours with anxiety and pain, take medication and fall back asleep half an hour later. Evidently my sleep isn't very productive as J says I'm tossing, turning and jerking. All I know is that after three cups of coffee I'm still yawning.

First I want to play Round and Round by Spandau Ballet.

The lead singer of Spandau Ballet, Tony Hadley, is a patron of the HDA.

This next song has been playing around in my head for several days. Perhaps its because its on one of my tabs on Chrome and my computer has been crashing. Every time I start it up, this song comes on. Then again, I've also been watching an interview and performances by Human League on the old Australian show Countdown and this is one of the songs they lip sync.

The Human League - Love Action

The reason I've loved this song for so many years is that its a man talking about feelings and failures in love. At one point he even talks about curling up and crying. 

These are feelings we do go through but here in America you never dare admit failure. Its one thing I really don't like about the culture here. They invented the entire "Keep up with the Joneses" phenomenon. 

I found this gem in a great playlist of the entire Human League portions of this show that showed up in my email. It starts with this performance of Love Action, a couple short interview sections and then Open Your Heart and ends with a hilarious version of Don't You Want Me in which Philip turns away from the mic halfway though the chorus to laugh. Strangely although he's in the same clothes, the other members aren't which leads me to believe it was recorded/aired on a different day.

On second thought, I'm going to put this version of DYWM up here. Its music comic gold. 

To quote what I wrote on Facebook:

Sorry but I can't help cracking up when Philip and Susan turn around to laugh. At 2:20 he doesn't even give a crap and turns away halfway through the chorus. When the camera cuts away the keyboardist is smirking too. Got to love live television.

Early Human League song Black Hit Of Space (1980)

You  can see the soon-to-be members of Heaven 17 here in the background, The reel-to-reel at the 

bottom is their electronic substitute for drums. 

The Paul Simon Concert went really well. I am so glad I had the chance to go. He was on top of his game and in the intimate venue like the bowl it came off really well. 

The Sound of Silence at Ground Zero, NYC

Speaking of Paul Simon, He was on the Johnny Walker Show today on Radio2. It was a replay of a show from May. It was perfect timing for me :) You can hear the entire show "You Can Call Me Paul"  for 7 days online.

I called my shrink today. I am going in Wednesday but I'm just not feeling good. My OCD is coming out like crazy. I can't leave the house for a cigarette without freaking out thinking the coffee pot is still plugged in. Get out of my car and "Oh $hit, did I lock the door?" You get the picture. Its not too pleasant.

I also mentioned that on top of the OCD my anxiety is now constantly through the roof. It takes so much Xanax to get rid of the anxiety I end up asleep. Its easier to sleep then let my thoughts run wild. Right now there is no in-between. Eventually  anxiety took over so strongly it helped set off a headache. What started the headache was I was reading on the laptop by my side of the bed and fell asleep. Sure enough, like what has happened before, my neck jerked, waking me straight up.

Choosing this song simply because I love it.

I really feel John's Words.

Right now this is how I'm living and enjoying every minute of it.

Yeap, I think its time to go back on the Haldol. I was seriously hoping to avoid having to start it again. There is no getting around it though. I'm not sleeping until I'm beyond exhausted, small things are giving me a rise that is fully out of proportion, and I'm OCDing like crazy. The SSRI's for OCD have never worked on my depression so to go on one of those would be trading off an antidepressant for an OCD medication, and that is not a trade-off I can afford. To make a long story short, he agreed with me and actually had the guts to tell me he was wondering how long it would be until I would 'fess up to him that I needed it. Live and learn I say.

Julian Lennon-Too Late for Goodbyes

One thing I've noticed lately is that the more text I have in my blogs, the higher my depression level. It may not be higher on the scale, but the longer the depression the more introspective I become. When that happens I write more here on this blog.

An old Saturday Night Live Skit. This
is a compilation of four Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy

George Michael 

 just tweeted this song. I love ballads anyway

but this one is a beaut.

And with that I'm going to finish this pizza and then sleep.

However, first I want to thank J for putting up with the mood swings and all the rest of these Huntington's Disease mental games I've been going through. J, I love you. As in really, really love you. As in I wouldn't b*tch if I ended spending the rest of my life with you. This one's for you.

Thank you to all the musicians featured here tonight who lifted my mood up.

Mood 8.0
Anxiety 1.5

G'Nite and hope you are sleeping well.

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