Where R U?

The Beatles - "In My Life"

"Where R U?" asked my phone silently this morning, its Text Message Screen flashing briefly while I was in my bathroom. On the other end of the line was my neighbour  and friend who lives down my street. He was going to drive me to the out of town gathering.  The back of my mind had confused 6:15 to 6:50 am. My neighbour had driven my darkened house but not called me. If he had, at least he would have received my just awakened voice or my voice behind running water. The house was darkened in the front, but not the back bathroom where I was. My phone is on ringer but text messages have only vibrated since I first bought it. Since  I hate hearing the same sound several times a day when a text message comes through I've always left it in this default. Today was the first time where it would have mattered whether it rang out loud or not. 

Paul McCartney rarity-"I'll Give You a Ring"

Had a friend who owned the rare clear Japanese Yellow 

12" vinyl disk. B-side of "Take It Away".

So when I went by his house at 6:50 he was gone. I called, got his machine left a message as I walked home. I drank the rest of my coffee, downloaded a couple free Kindle Books for my Android (my Nook App is still acting up, not allowing new downloads days at time) and my eyes hit my lunch bag. You see, last night at 9:00 pm my friend told me the time  he  was coming and that I needed to brownbag a lunch. Unlike the usual gatherings, they weren't serving lunch. I didn't have time nor the food to put together that quickly so I hit the deli service at the local supermarket and proceeded to make a nice deli sandwich with fixings for the long day. I had been eyeing that lunch since I made it.

The Carpenters-"Rainy Days and Mondays"

I felt like crap. Here I was, didn't know why but my ride had taken off, and I was stuck at home with my lunch next to me on my bed. On went the computer. I got on Twitter, noticed Greg Mitchell, one of my current favorite Non-fiction author,'s book on the Death Penalty was free on the Kindle for one day only. I quickly downloaded it. Then I picked up my phone, opened the book and started to feel sorry for myself this cold and lonely morning where I'm already really tired from the long day ahead with little sleep. 

The Beatles-"For No One"

So I proceeded to drink another cup of coffee while I waited for my friend's return call. When it came later this morning, he was almost at the destination and let me know I had called when he was already in Los Angeles County.  "I wouldn't have been if you called all along" I mumbled but only loud enough for myself to hear. After hanging up and barely avoiding the guilt trip in his voice I wasn't happy. How dare he try to pin this on me by saying he drove by my house slowly and it seemed darkened. It wasn't until after this call that I noticed the text message blinking. "Where R U?" It asked at 6:22 am. "On the toilet," I replied to myself as I saw the time stamp on the message. 

The Bee Gees-"You Should be Dancing"

Well, that call followed by the discovery of a text message brought me to awareness of my friend's actions, only not. What I had become aware of was the fact we both may be in the wrong. I can live with that. So the next big question was what to do with my new caffeine fueled day ? The answer was staring me right in my face. I had Mitchell's new book and my sack lunch. Let 'er rip open! 

Cher-"If I Could Turn Back Time"

Now that my lunch is near finished, my book being charged, and my Pepsi half gone I'm ready to curl up for a nap. I may be loaded to the gills with caffeine but my full tummy, sleepless night, and good book were exhausting enough, in a good way, to relax me. So pajama time it is. I may just get some sleep. And if I don't? Then book time again it is. There are worse things around & its nice to be able to read fairly well again. That was one symptom of my HD that slightly "improved" when I stopped taking my old mood stabilizer. You know what else? When I was walking back home earlier this morning I realized how write my fiancee was about wanting me to stay home today. I really am not ready to be gone for a  whole day on an out of town adventure. That would be pushing my recovery a bit much. Hopefully next time I'll realize this before I make the plans to go.

[SPACE] The Final Frontier...

 Catch Paul Ware on Facebook or Twitter. I can also be reached via email (delete no spam) but much prefer the Facebook message option. The comments section is fine too. Just don't text me expecting a drop my hands reply.

Bond, James Bond

Good to see you today. I took a break yesterday. Its important for me to keep everything in perspective, and if I'm tired and really don't want to blog, then I give myself the day off and have a good lazy Sunday.

Also, the dinner Saturday went really well. Good food and good company. We both needed it. Sometimes its just important to get away from everything. This weekend was a wonderful quiet two days away from all the stresses in both of our lives. I say two because I convinced her to take a four day weekend.

Tommy James and The Shondells-"I Think We're Alone Now"

It turns out that J is having a terrible time at work. The person who is between her and her boss is being a complete ass.

I knew things were bad, but I didn't know how bad.

She's in middle management, and with her employer for longer than I've known her. This is making the whole thing that more stressful. She's been there for years, and the benefit package is hard to beat.

The Carpenters-"Rainy Days and Mondays"

This is one of those Mondays where I had to drag myself out of bed. It took five cups of coffee just to keep me from yawning.

Our double feature today-The brilliant all women's group, The Bangles

Maniac Monday

This song brings back many good memories. When I was working, I would actually put this song on my turntable to wake me up as I'd be getting dressed and downing my breakfast. 

Oh Whey Oh

"Walk Like an Egyptian"

On to new and better things. Yesterday, after a hiatus away, I logged into the James Bond forum where I post. Imagine my wonderful shock to discover that they are now filming "Skyfall", the next film in the decades old series. 

One of the best Opening Title sequences. The visuals went so well with the song.

Paul McCartney & Wings-"Live and Let Die"

I feel like a little boy on Christmas Morning. I love James Bond films that much. I seen them all multiple times, including the dreaded Bronson era (GoldenEye was the only good film, no fault of Pierce.)

Tina Turner sings Bono's "GoldenEye"

I'm just getting shivers of excitement just watching this opening sequence. Now that I'm  home from the bank and store I'm watching the film again. Its a nice reward for all those chores.

While its on I'm cooking a surprise meal for J. I called her best friend who just happened to "find" a free movie coupon after I called her on the sly. While J's gone, I'm making a nice dinner for her to come home to. 

Its important to me that she knows I heard how hard work is and that I feel its time for me step up to the plate to make her life easier during all of this.

U2-"With or Without You"

I got a call from @Meekdev tonight. She let me know her mother, Penny, had an outstanding credit at the comic store. Penny was an avid Archie fan,  in fact it was directly because of her I discovered the "Gen X/Yuppie" adult oriented Archie comic title "Archie Got Married." Discovered and addicted to this title, I might add.

Anyway, Meeks called me today and told me to begin expecting Archie Got Married  in my mailbox for the next year. She said that's what her Mum would have wanted. Meekodev, by the way, is also an avid comic reader. She is a Marvel fan.

The reason I am naming Meeko by name is that I want to publicly thank her (I told her *make that threatened* I would).

I've always thought of  Penny when I read an Archie Gets Married. Now I have an additional reason to do so. Thanks my friend Meek for being in my life. We need more of you in this world.

This one is going out to you, my friend. I hope you find the Archie of your dreams instead of your Jughead ;-)

I owe you a ticket to Skyfall. Until then, I'll take that virgin martini shaken not stirred.

The Archies-"Sugar, Sugar"

G'nite folks!

Paul

Catch Paul Ware on Facebook or Twitter. I can also be reached via email (delete no spam) but much prefer the Facebook message option.

Bad lip syncing, George Michael and more.

Mood 5.5

Anxiety 2.0

I haven't been sleeping well lately. I spent over 24 hours in a medicated sleep. I wake up every four hours with anxiety and pain, take medication and fall back asleep half an hour later. Evidently my sleep isn't very productive as J says I'm tossing, turning and jerking. All I know is that after three cups of coffee I'm still yawning.

First I want to play Round and Round by Spandau Ballet.

The lead singer of Spandau Ballet, Tony Hadley, is a patron of the HDA.

This next song has been playing around in my head for several days. Perhaps its because its on one of my tabs on Chrome and my computer has been crashing. Every time I start it up, this song comes on. Then again, I've also been watching an interview and performances by Human League on the old Australian show Countdown and this is one of the songs they lip sync.

The Human League - Love Action

The reason I've loved this song for so many years is that its a man talking about feelings and failures in love. At one point he even talks about curling up and crying. 

These are feelings we do go through but here in America you never dare admit failure. Its one thing I really don't like about the culture here. They invented the entire "Keep up with the Joneses" phenomenon. 

I found this gem in a great playlist of the entire Human League portions of this show that showed up in my email. It starts with this performance of Love Action, a couple short interview sections and then Open Your Heart and ends with a hilarious version of Don't You Want Me in which Philip turns away from the mic halfway though the chorus to laugh. Strangely although he's in the same clothes, the other members aren't which leads me to believe it was recorded/aired on a different day.

On second thought, I'm going to put this version of DYWM up here. Its music comic gold. 

To quote what I wrote on Facebook:

Sorry but I can't help cracking up when Philip and Susan turn around to laugh. At 2:20 he doesn't even give a crap and turns away halfway through the chorus. When the camera cuts away the keyboardist is smirking too. Got to love live television.

Early Human League song Black Hit Of Space (1980)

You  can see the soon-to-be members of Heaven 17 here in the background, The reel-to-reel at the 

bottom is their electronic substitute for drums. 

The Paul Simon Concert went really well. I am so glad I had the chance to go. He was on top of his game and in the intimate venue like the bowl it came off really well. 

The Sound of Silence at Ground Zero, NYC

Speaking of Paul Simon, He was on the Johnny Walker Show today on Radio2. It was a replay of a show from May. It was perfect timing for me :) You can hear the entire show "You Can Call Me Paul"  for 7 days online.

I called my shrink today. I am going in Wednesday but I'm just not feeling good. My OCD is coming out like crazy. I can't leave the house for a cigarette without freaking out thinking the coffee pot is still plugged in. Get out of my car and "Oh $hit, did I lock the door?" You get the picture. Its not too pleasant.

I also mentioned that on top of the OCD my anxiety is now constantly through the roof. It takes so much Xanax to get rid of the anxiety I end up asleep. Its easier to sleep then let my thoughts run wild. Right now there is no in-between. Eventually  anxiety took over so strongly it helped set off a headache. What started the headache was I was reading on the laptop by my side of the bed and fell asleep. Sure enough, like what has happened before, my neck jerked, waking me straight up.

Choosing this song simply because I love it.

I really feel John's Words.

Right now this is how I'm living and enjoying every minute of it.

Yeap, I think its time to go back on the Haldol. I was seriously hoping to avoid having to start it again. There is no getting around it though. I'm not sleeping until I'm beyond exhausted, small things are giving me a rise that is fully out of proportion, and I'm OCDing like crazy. The SSRI's for OCD have never worked on my depression so to go on one of those would be trading off an antidepressant for an OCD medication, and that is not a trade-off I can afford. To make a long story short, he agreed with me and actually had the guts to tell me he was wondering how long it would be until I would 'fess up to him that I needed it. Live and learn I say.

Julian Lennon-Too Late for Goodbyes

One thing I've noticed lately is that the more text I have in my blogs, the higher my depression level. It may not be higher on the scale, but the longer the depression the more introspective I become. When that happens I write more here on this blog.

An old Saturday Night Live Skit. This
is a compilation of four Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy

George Michael 

 just tweeted this song. I love ballads anyway

but this one is a beaut.

And with that I'm going to finish this pizza and then sleep.

However, first I want to thank J for putting up with the mood swings and all the rest of these Huntington's Disease mental games I've been going through. J, I love you. As in really, really love you. As in I wouldn't b*tch if I ended spending the rest of my life with you. This one's for you.

Thank you to all the musicians featured here tonight who lifted my mood up.

Mood 8.0
Anxiety 1.5

G'Nite and hope you are sleeping well.

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