Crawling Out of My Black Hole

I hope this isn't too choppy. Its taken several days to write this as my internet time is extremely limited until I get the hell outta here Monday.

The Bangles-"Maniac Monday"

My wife has decided that we will take in David's children. So baby will make five in September. Our family is growing by leaps and bounds. Its enjoyable to watch from the sidelines but it will be interesting once I get home. So much for the single man who didn't want children who started this blog last year. Sasha and DJ are seven years old and so adorable. Yes, I said those kids are adorable.  Do you rake me over the coals now or later?

Peter, Paul and Mary-"Puff, The Magic Dragon"

This morning my wife called my Huntington's Disease doctor all the way from North Ireland where she's visiting David's mother. She is having a enjoyable and needed trip. I'm so glad she went.

This is for my wife, who's currently in love with Night of The Proms. 

Simple Minds - "Belfast Child" 

After this call they put me on Klonapin. It's helping my hands from bouncing off the keyboard all the time. They took me off the Xanax when I came in. They took me off everything and then played around until they found drugs they think are working. They're doing something right because I don't have the crazy need to listen to the Depeche Mode's Black Celebration album all the time.

Yes, I was literally living through thoughts that dark. It should have been a warning sign to me. Instead of looking out out for myself with all these flags I just went about my daily business while I had this album on constantly.  

Depeche Mode-"Black Celebration"

Is it any amazement that I drank after ten years of sobriety? I lost my best friend who died literally in my arms with his beautiful children at his feet, I didn't reach out to my wife since she was also grieving, causing us to begin to heal separately instead of doing this important act together. Then my depression kicked in, instead of treating I let myself fall into the black hole. I let myself stay there. I didn't do the things I know would help me get out of it. Instead of focusing on my recovery and sobriety I let myself focus on all the pitfalls in my life and my program. Once I start nitpicking my recovery message, that is a sign my thinking isn't quite right.

Human League-"(Keep Feeling) Fascination"

I am finally starting to feel better over all of this. I'm learning that I don't need to live constantly in a state of bereavement. Life does go on and its time for me to accept that and live it. David would not want me holed up in a room drinking and using. I know this because he didn't want that for himself. 

There is a saying in the program that it is basically one alcoholic/addict helping another. When I lost David, I lost a major lifeline to my sobriety.  Instead of doing what I should have, like raising my meeting attendance, I did the opposite and started isolating. 

Eminem - "Not Afraid"

Well, its time to wrap up so I can have enough time to get this posted to my Facebook. Thank you for continuing to follow me on this journey known as my life.

A Brief Interlude

For obvious reasons, love songs are on my mind so I'll be playing some tonight. 


 I'm still in shock that I'm going to get married. I shook my head several times today when thinking of our future, or lack thereof I should say.


Enjoy. my heart and head say.

I  didn't get much sleep last night, that's the reason for lack of text..While I was making coffee for us  this morning Jane said I kept kicking off the covers more than usual, and was sweating up a storm. Strange and if it keeps up  its something to look into. with our new sheets. The percentage of  cotton to artificial is slightly different that most sheets we've used in the past, On the other hand,. they are warmer, but not as heavy.


My eyes aren't tracking together from the lack of sleep for two consecutive nights. Its something they haven't done since I was a tot. In terms of HD, its a very rare occurrence and caused by over-extending myself. I need to keep an eye on myself, as I have a habit of doing too much and then this rare occurrence comes up on me.  Rare as in once every other year rare.


Please pardon any typographical errors. My one eye didn't pick them up.

My Fair Lady film voices - "Get Me to the Church on Time"

I've been looking for  a reason to post this song of Dolly and Kenny's for a while now. Here it is!

Dolly Parton & Kenny Rogers -  "Islands in the Steam"

The Human League - "Louise"

Spandau Ballet  - Lifeline

Tony Hadley, lead singer of Spandau, is a patron of 

the Huntington's Disease Association (HAD).. /Thank you Tony.

Two romantic Bond Opening Credit sequences  for our double feature tonight:

"The Spy Who Loved Me"

Carly Simon - "Nobody Does it Better"

"Octopussy"

Rita Coolidge -  "All time High"

/West Side Story - "America"

Hope to see you tomorrow. In the meantime, sleep well. 

I know I will. 

Tomorrow my plans are to start sorting all of the Government papers I have on the Isla Vista Rots

^yawn*

Catch Paul Ware on Facebook or Twitter. I can also be reached via email (delete no spam) but much prefer the Facebook message option.

Bond, James Bond

Good to see you today. I took a break yesterday. Its important for me to keep everything in perspective, and if I'm tired and really don't want to blog, then I give myself the day off and have a good lazy Sunday.

Also, the dinner Saturday went really well. Good food and good company. We both needed it. Sometimes its just important to get away from everything. This weekend was a wonderful quiet two days away from all the stresses in both of our lives. I say two because I convinced her to take a four day weekend.

Tommy James and The Shondells-"I Think We're Alone Now"

It turns out that J is having a terrible time at work. The person who is between her and her boss is being a complete ass.

I knew things were bad, but I didn't know how bad.

She's in middle management, and with her employer for longer than I've known her. This is making the whole thing that more stressful. She's been there for years, and the benefit package is hard to beat.

The Carpenters-"Rainy Days and Mondays"

This is one of those Mondays where I had to drag myself out of bed. It took five cups of coffee just to keep me from yawning.

Our double feature today-The brilliant all women's group, The Bangles

Maniac Monday

This song brings back many good memories. When I was working, I would actually put this song on my turntable to wake me up as I'd be getting dressed and downing my breakfast. 

Oh Whey Oh

"Walk Like an Egyptian"

On to new and better things. Yesterday, after a hiatus away, I logged into the James Bond forum where I post. Imagine my wonderful shock to discover that they are now filming "Skyfall", the next film in the decades old series. 

One of the best Opening Title sequences. The visuals went so well with the song.

Paul McCartney & Wings-"Live and Let Die"

I feel like a little boy on Christmas Morning. I love James Bond films that much. I seen them all multiple times, including the dreaded Bronson era (GoldenEye was the only good film, no fault of Pierce.)

Tina Turner sings Bono's "GoldenEye"

I'm just getting shivers of excitement just watching this opening sequence. Now that I'm  home from the bank and store I'm watching the film again. Its a nice reward for all those chores.

While its on I'm cooking a surprise meal for J. I called her best friend who just happened to "find" a free movie coupon after I called her on the sly. While J's gone, I'm making a nice dinner for her to come home to. 

Its important to me that she knows I heard how hard work is and that I feel its time for me step up to the plate to make her life easier during all of this.

U2-"With or Without You"

I got a call from @Meekdev tonight. She let me know her mother, Penny, had an outstanding credit at the comic store. Penny was an avid Archie fan,  in fact it was directly because of her I discovered the "Gen X/Yuppie" adult oriented Archie comic title "Archie Got Married." Discovered and addicted to this title, I might add.

Anyway, Meeks called me today and told me to begin expecting Archie Got Married  in my mailbox for the next year. She said that's what her Mum would have wanted. Meekodev, by the way, is also an avid comic reader. She is a Marvel fan.

The reason I am naming Meeko by name is that I want to publicly thank her (I told her *make that threatened* I would).

I've always thought of  Penny when I read an Archie Gets Married. Now I have an additional reason to do so. Thanks my friend Meek for being in my life. We need more of you in this world.

This one is going out to you, my friend. I hope you find the Archie of your dreams instead of your Jughead ;-)

I owe you a ticket to Skyfall. Until then, I'll take that virgin martini shaken not stirred.

The Archies-"Sugar, Sugar"

G'nite folks!

Paul

Catch Paul Ware on Facebook or Twitter. I can also be reached via email (delete no spam) but much prefer the Facebook message option.