Where R U?

The Beatles - "In My Life"

"Where R U?" asked my phone silently this morning, its Text Message Screen flashing briefly while I was in my bathroom. On the other end of the line was my neighbour  and friend who lives down my street. He was going to drive me to the out of town gathering.  The back of my mind had confused 6:15 to 6:50 am. My neighbour had driven my darkened house but not called me. If he had, at least he would have received my just awakened voice or my voice behind running water. The house was darkened in the front, but not the back bathroom where I was. My phone is on ringer but text messages have only vibrated since I first bought it. Since  I hate hearing the same sound several times a day when a text message comes through I've always left it in this default. Today was the first time where it would have mattered whether it rang out loud or not. 

Paul McCartney rarity-"I'll Give You a Ring"

Had a friend who owned the rare clear Japanese Yellow 

12" vinyl disk. B-side of "Take It Away".

So when I went by his house at 6:50 he was gone. I called, got his machine left a message as I walked home. I drank the rest of my coffee, downloaded a couple free Kindle Books for my Android (my Nook App is still acting up, not allowing new downloads days at time) and my eyes hit my lunch bag. You see, last night at 9:00 pm my friend told me the time  he  was coming and that I needed to brownbag a lunch. Unlike the usual gatherings, they weren't serving lunch. I didn't have time nor the food to put together that quickly so I hit the deli service at the local supermarket and proceeded to make a nice deli sandwich with fixings for the long day. I had been eyeing that lunch since I made it.

The Carpenters-"Rainy Days and Mondays"

I felt like crap. Here I was, didn't know why but my ride had taken off, and I was stuck at home with my lunch next to me on my bed. On went the computer. I got on Twitter, noticed Greg Mitchell, one of my current favorite Non-fiction author,'s book on the Death Penalty was free on the Kindle for one day only. I quickly downloaded it. Then I picked up my phone, opened the book and started to feel sorry for myself this cold and lonely morning where I'm already really tired from the long day ahead with little sleep. 

The Beatles-"For No One"

So I proceeded to drink another cup of coffee while I waited for my friend's return call. When it came later this morning, he was almost at the destination and let me know I had called when he was already in Los Angeles County.  "I wouldn't have been if you called all along" I mumbled but only loud enough for myself to hear. After hanging up and barely avoiding the guilt trip in his voice I wasn't happy. How dare he try to pin this on me by saying he drove by my house slowly and it seemed darkened. It wasn't until after this call that I noticed the text message blinking. "Where R U?" It asked at 6:22 am. "On the toilet," I replied to myself as I saw the time stamp on the message. 

The Bee Gees-"You Should be Dancing"

Well, that call followed by the discovery of a text message brought me to awareness of my friend's actions, only not. What I had become aware of was the fact we both may be in the wrong. I can live with that. So the next big question was what to do with my new caffeine fueled day ? The answer was staring me right in my face. I had Mitchell's new book and my sack lunch. Let 'er rip open! 

Cher-"If I Could Turn Back Time"

Now that my lunch is near finished, my book being charged, and my Pepsi half gone I'm ready to curl up for a nap. I may be loaded to the gills with caffeine but my full tummy, sleepless night, and good book were exhausting enough, in a good way, to relax me. So pajama time it is. I may just get some sleep. And if I don't? Then book time again it is. There are worse things around & its nice to be able to read fairly well again. That was one symptom of my HD that slightly "improved" when I stopped taking my old mood stabilizer. You know what else? When I was walking back home earlier this morning I realized how write my fiancee was about wanting me to stay home today. I really am not ready to be gone for a  whole day on an out of town adventure. That would be pushing my recovery a bit much. Hopefully next time I'll realize this before I make the plans to go.

[SPACE] The Final Frontier...

 Catch Paul Ware on Facebook or Twitter. I can also be reached via email (delete no spam) but much prefer the Facebook message option. The comments section is fine too. Just don't text me expecting a drop my hands reply.

Walking on a High Wire

This is insane. How could I go from such a low anxiety level to such a high one the second I wake up is beyond me. 


Mood 5.0
Anxiety 7.5


My anxiety was so bad that when I woke up I wasn't able to get out from under the covers to the toilet. 


"A lot of people think that 'Shout' is just another song about primal scream theory, continuing the themes of the first album. It is actually more concerned with political protest. It came out in 1984 when a lot of people were still worried about the aftermath of The Cold War and it was basically an encouragement to protest."—Roland Orzabal

On that note I'm dedicating this song to Operation Wall Street.

High Wire by Men at Work

I swear this is my theme song lately.

Seriously, this song captures how I've been feeling lately. I constantly feel like I'm on this little wire and I have to be careful not to fall off.

Cruel Summer by Bananarama

The song's title says it all. Not been a good year. 

On the other hand, last night went very well. I had a long talk with J and it seems as if she is also in it for the long haul. I never thought this would happen to me and its a wonderful feeling. Scary but wonderful.

Take a Chance on Me - Abba

Its nice to have someone willing to take a chance on me.

I never thought I'd feel this way. I swore I never would.

Scary, but not in a bad way, in a way where I am in unknown 

territory, which isn't always a bad thing.

Mood 6.0

Anxiety 5.0

Ah the age of Disco and very early childhood memories.

On my way out the door just having fun here with my music.

A woman on one of the HD boards I belong suggested we post photos of our loved ones smiling. Although I don't have any photos to share here in California, it has lifted my mood to see everyone else's photos.

Mood 6.5

Anxiety 3.0 

I'm very tired this evening so going to sign off. 

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