Christmas With Fireplaces

Mood 6
Anxiety 5


I saw el shrinko, aka my head doctor today. It went well considering how much information I had to cover. I finally told him everything seems like its rushing by. He just looked at me with the look this guy below has on his face. Then he says "You're getting married, yeah?" and I'm like "duh yeah" and he laughed. He said its actually a common thing when people are in the middle of wedding preparations. 

Men at Work-"Overkill"

 Then I told him about the baby and Facebook and everything else that's been going on. He was more than a bit surprised. Then he mentioned it must not be bugging me too much. I asked him where he got that idea and he said because I didn't call for an extra appointment. That got me thinking, I do usually freak out and ask to be fit in. Does that make me more normal now?

Spandau Ballet-"True"

I still have that nasty cough. It hasn't gotten any worse, but its not any better either. So here I am with the rest of last night's Taco Bell  in the waiting room at the walk in clinic. 

Spandau Ballet-"Round and Round"

I'm waiting for the results of the X-Ray. I just want to curl up in bed. That's never a good sign.  What's even a worse sign is that the nurse just sent me to the hospital to be checked out. Jane is not going to be happy at all.

Oh, I knew I forgot something while moving my laptop from the clinic to the emergency room.. Doc asked me about the holidays. Its always a tough time. A friend of mine is struggling, she lost her mother this last year to HD and she really doesn't want to spend Christmas at home so she's planning on going down to the Grand Californian Hotel inside Disney's California Adventure. She told me last time she was at Disneyland it was during a storm and she ended up stuck at the fireplace  where she sat reading Stephen King's Duma Key  This is year she's buying the new V.C. Andrews and taking them down to the the Grand Californian. She's going to stay at the Super 8 across the street and just sit with her Droid and junk novels. That sounds really good, and I'm tempted to take her up on her invitation to stay in front of the fireplace. There is something about mourning somebody when you're not alone and have a shoulder to cry on.

Mike and the Mechanics-"The Living Years"

What surprised me is that Jane is interested in going. I told her its probably going to be one of the more boring trips. She shared with me that she never had closure over her close friend who  passed away from Hodgkin's Lymphoma early this year and she just isn't getting the holiday spirit. She shared with me that she is thinking that going down there will add some Christmas cheer as well as give her some closure. I called my friend and she really would love the company, so it looks like our Christmas plans are to spend the time in front of the fireplaces with good books. 

My friend MeekoDev with Duma Key
Off and to the right is the outdoor fireplace

The ER nurse just called my name so I'll see you tomorrow.

Mood 7.8

Anxiety 7

Catch Paul Ware on Facebook or Twitter. I can also be reached via email (delete no spam) but much prefer the Facebook message option.

Walking on a High Wire

This is insane. How could I go from such a low anxiety level to such a high one the second I wake up is beyond me. 


Mood 5.0
Anxiety 7.5


My anxiety was so bad that when I woke up I wasn't able to get out from under the covers to the toilet. 


"A lot of people think that 'Shout' is just another song about primal scream theory, continuing the themes of the first album. It is actually more concerned with political protest. It came out in 1984 when a lot of people were still worried about the aftermath of The Cold War and it was basically an encouragement to protest."—Roland Orzabal

On that note I'm dedicating this song to Operation Wall Street.

High Wire by Men at Work

I swear this is my theme song lately.

Seriously, this song captures how I've been feeling lately. I constantly feel like I'm on this little wire and I have to be careful not to fall off.

Cruel Summer by Bananarama

The song's title says it all. Not been a good year. 

On the other hand, last night went very well. I had a long talk with J and it seems as if she is also in it for the long haul. I never thought this would happen to me and its a wonderful feeling. Scary but wonderful.

Take a Chance on Me - Abba

Its nice to have someone willing to take a chance on me.

I never thought I'd feel this way. I swore I never would.

Scary, but not in a bad way, in a way where I am in unknown 

territory, which isn't always a bad thing.

Mood 6.0

Anxiety 5.0

Ah the age of Disco and very early childhood memories.

On my way out the door just having fun here with my music.

A woman on one of the HD boards I belong suggested we post photos of our loved ones smiling. Although I don't have any photos to share here in California, it has lifted my mood to see everyone else's photos.

Mood 6.5

Anxiety 3.0 

I'm very tired this evening so going to sign off. 

Catch Paul Ware on Facebook or Twitter