My Name Is Jane

Yesterday I made the decision to take three months off of work. If you know me, you know that my job is part of who I am. My best friend jokes that my husband is books and I am numbers (I am an accountant). This is my first day off and I already miss my calculator. Still I wouldn't get up and go back right now if you paid me double time.

As I write this I'm sittng next to my husband's hospital bed. It isn't fun at all, but this is part of being married to a wonderful man who happens to have Huntington's Disease. I don't like this part of his life, but nobody  promised me a rose garden. 

I have accepted it just as I've accepted the fact his music of choice of Electronica and Trance.

Before my engagement my mother told me I should get out of this relationship before it became too serious. I told her it wasn't an option for me. I've never felt this way toward another human being in my life. For a year my mother didn't talk to me. Then she invited Paul to her home for Christmas. After that, she never brought the subject up again.

Until I met Paul, I couldn't put my finger on people who called their spouse their "better half." Now I understand why.

I wouldn't trade my husband for George Clooney, Oscar and all.

Yes, Paul has angry outbursts and often he's irritable.

Yes. I have to drive him around.

Yes, he'll eventually knock household items over from lack of body control.

Yes, I will have to bathe and shave him.

Yes, I will have to take care of his bodily needs some years ahead.

Yes, he will forget my name.

Yes, he will become immobile.

Yes, I will lose him far to early in our lives.

Yes, his chorea movements will pull his muscles until they hurt.

Yes, I wouldn't trade him for the world.

Yes, I love him more than life itself. When you fall in love with someone that has HD you truely understand what that saying means.  It is no longer just a cutsy Facebook status but a feeling deep in your heart.

It has to be.