Catching Up

I had a nice, quiet but enjoyable New Year's last night. I had been invited to a friends birthday party but decided to stay at home with Jane. I'm glad, it was a nice enjoyable evening.


Today's music is curtosy of 80sMusicGirl. She played these 80s songs last night.

Swing Out Sister-"Breakout"

I'm starting to settle down to the married life. I must say I enjoy it. Although I didn't think it would change me, I was wrong. Suddenly I feel safer. Our relationship is so much more stable. Its almost as if we are able to read each others mind more so than before if that makes sense.

ABC-"Be Near Me"

This morning I woke up too early so I only got four hours sleep. I don't feel tired though so I'm making breakfast while I type. I'm back on a diet to gain weight. I'm not as thin as I was a year ago but I need to gain extra weight so when I get chorea later I'll have the calories to burn. 

Go West-"King of Wishful Thinking"

One thing I've been flirtiing with is my ability to become a citizen in three years. If my Huntington's Disease doesn't make it so I don't have the brain power to take the citizenship test, I likely will prepare myself so I can vote at that time.

People ask me why I want to become a citizen as I will have to give up my right to vote in England. I'm simply here for so long that I see some policies I don't like. It would be nice to have a very small influence on them. 

Prince-"Let's Go Crazy"

When this song came out my little sister teased me that this is my theme song. This one is for her. She's thinking about having the test for Huntington's Disease. Since our mother had it, all her children have a one in two chance to carry the gene. If she tests positive for having the gene she will eventually get HD. I've told her I'll fly out and support her when she goes in to hear the result. I remember when I went in to have my results announced I was thankful Jane was there, even if I already knew I had HD. I had the test so I'd know my CAG repeat count. As I've mentioned it is the area of JHD. I was thankful that she was standing there while I was on the phone. I don't know how I'd have managed that otherwise.

The Go-Gos-"Vacation"

I'm reading a lot more since I got my Kindle. Something about it makes it easier for me to comprehend what I'm reading. I'm not sure if its the font or spacing or something I'm completely unaware of, but its nice to have the old habit back. The book I'm currently reading is Blown For Good-Behind The Iron Curtain of Scientology by Marc Headley. I've wanted to read this since my reading first went down the tube. At 50% completed I must say it was worth the wait. Headly takes you inside the Int Base, the intitution where not only are the "Church's" movies are made but also the home of leader David Miscavige.I highly recommend this book.

Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark - "If You Leave"

My wife and I have one week to go until she will be ready for her doctor to remove her eggs for fertilization. We are like little children waiting for Christmas to open our gifts.The IVF drugs are making her moody, but not half as bad as expected. 

Simple Minds-Don't You Forget About Me"

Well, I'm caught up. Thank you for reading. I hope the rest of your day treats you well.

Catch Paul Ware on Facebook or Twitter. I can also be reached via email (delete no spam) but much prefer the Facebook message option. The comments section is fine too.

Shake, Rattle and Roll

If you haven't had the chance to read my blog last time I played Annie, never fear. I mentioned over dinner a couple nights ago in passing that the vocals on Diva are gorgeous. Guess what was at my feet yesterday  morning? 

I consider this a bribe so that I wouldn't say a word while certain somebody's are out at the shopping centre on Black Friday.

At least we both agreed to shop local this year. 

Annie Lennox - "Why"

Pardon my typing here, but I'm shaking like a leaf. My fingers are actually bouncing off the keypad. This is the worst I remember feeling since I took ill. Not good.

 Bill Haley-"Shake, Rattle and Roll"

What can I say? I went high quality when I made this video on Wednesday.

Dead Milkmen-"Instant Club Hit"

Martin Rushent's Gem Love and Dancing, Recorded at Genetics. Remix of Human League's LP Dare.

The League Unlimited Orchestra - "Love & Dancing"

Human League-"Blind Youth"

The concrete jungle of Sheffield.

Sheffield's one and only ABC-"Poison Arrow"

Talking Heads-"Burning Down the House" on Letterman

Peter Gabriel - "Solsbury Hill"
Tony Levin, David Rhodes and Gabriel

I'm going to call it a day. See you tomorrow.

Catch Paul Ware on Facebook or Twitter. I can also be reached via email (delete no spam) but much prefer the Facebook message option.

New Meds and My First Two Poems

Here it is, 9 in the morning. I'm hungry as can be yet every time I look down at my plate my stomach turns over. I'm not nauseated anymore, but it still does flips.


As you may know my doctors changed my meds up big time yesterday. I'm now on the anti-depressant Impramine, mood stabilizer Lyrica,  Haldol and Namenda. I also have a Xanax PRN which used to be a regular med.

Medicine Jar-Wings 

My typing sucks, so please forgive me, Its a good thing I touch type because  every time I see something move it seems to be in triple time.Letters like n and m look exactly the same to me. I have to use context to read. Its like when you're in hospital for surgery and they sedate you, it makes it hard to do many things, you feel, well, intoxicated,

Poison Arrow-(Sheffield band)ABC

The hardest part of this is that I can tell the medications are working to help some of my symptoms. That in consequence makes me understand what's going on in my body for the first time since I became ill. 

Mr. Bean Goes to the hospital.

I can't stay awake today. When I'm not literally typing I'm sleeping. I'm drifting in  and out of sleep, which is fairly normal when one starts these sedative medicines. However,'I'll wake up and find a single letter pressed over and over again.  Most often I wake up because my neck or head jumps. Also,  I can't get my letters right, for example I just spelled can't can'g. I have always done this but not as bad (typed bad). On the other hand I feel the medication working in so many ways. I wish it wasn't so I could stop taking it and live in a pretend world again.The anti-dementia one (Namenda.) is the worst. It pulls me to the here and now.

My eyes still aren't working together, they just become worse.. If you remember that that has been going on mildly for days now, nothing new but frustrating as hell for readers like me. Reading is out, typing is on its way too. If I have to type fairly quickly I screw up and of course anything with a a "sound=alike work" I'm screwed because I fall asleep while typing, in fact fell asleep 3 times while typing this small paragraph.; 

Its the one and only Sparke/Now That I Own The BBC

What I'm trying to say is that I'm scared. I've never felt like this before. I feel sick. I never felt that before. Now I can't pretend nothing is wrong.

===To my older brothrer===

For the first time in my life I feel like a man 

with Huntington's Disease.

 I'm not ready to feel that way.yet. 

I'm not old enough. 

I haven't lived enough 

I haven't been to Graceland 

I haven't been to the Vietnam Wall

I didn't do anything last night

but constantly go to sleep only

to be waken up 

from 

sharp head movements

and

legs kicking my body up and down

knowing these movements will eventually 

get worse, and worse 

until they 

will eventually kill me.

Just today,

I want to be safe

I want to sleep and know that I will 

wake up naturally 

being snuggly just like you 

in the blankets we shared

without a care in the world.

I'm not old enough.

I'm the little one.

"It feels like dying slow

letting go of life"

====To J====

You see, for the first time, 

since my mother was diagnosed

and they told her it was generic

and she ended her life, 

I am really scared.

For this first time 

I can feel what is wrong

with both my body.and my brain

How its moving

How its thinking

and how

my body is behaving

in directions it isn't supposed to.

How come you don't move that way?

Why don't you you think this way?

Since you don't

Why are you still here?