Down it goes....

Still have a real lack of energy today. Of all the music today, I'm going to play probably more of a eclectic mix than usual, with the Irish Tenor's singing Irish, Scottish and American Civil war songs.In addition you'll hear Paul Robeson sing his infamous Ol' Man River and the American Civil War classic "Shenandoah" I'll finish up my musical choices today with a single by the Human League, to remind you that yes, you really are on the right blog.

One of the most beautiful things about living in American is the melting pot in their culture. Whether in their literature or their music, everywhere you go there is wonderful native music.

The Irish Tenors-"Spanish Lady"

Jane is back at work today. It concerns me when she takes sick days when I'm not feeling well. Those are for when she is not feeling well. I feel better when she is back at work for another reason as well, I know she thinks I'm feeling well enough to be home alone. 

Paul Robeson's Double Feature

Paul Robeson-"Shenandoah"

Paul Robeson-"Ol' Man River"

Its almost time for her to come home. I'm looking forward to seeing her smiling face. Okay,  I'm still at the "heart goes fonder" stage of her being away from home. I really did need my time away from home, and it will probably last about six seconds at which point I'm going to be so very glad to see her home where I can curl up and feel safe again.

John McDermott- "The Band Played Waltzing Matilda"

This song is influenced by The Waltzing Matilda, the unofficial Australian national anthem. 

John McDermott-"Battle Hymn of the Republic"

Its never an official blog of mine without at least one Synth Pop song so here is

The Human League-"Keep Feeling Fascination"

Sorry this blog is so late. My mood went straight down to one of the worst depressions I can ever remember. That happens when you battle a fever for too long.

Thank goodness it was time for Jane to come home when it hit. What really sucks is that I was finally starting to feel a bit better. I just need to remember to take it one minute at a time and more important take it easy!

Catch Paul Ware on Facebook or Twitter. I can also be reached via email (delete no spam) but much prefer the Facebook message option.

Wassiling

I stayed up to late last night and paid for being up down and around yesterday.

Frankie Goes to Hollywood-"The Power of Love"

If I had my way, I'd want this song being sung when Jane's father walks her down the aisle.

We scratched John Denver's Follow Me off the short list, as we're already getting tired of it.

UCLA MEDlies - "Life in a Northern Town"

Pet Shop Boys - "Opportunities"

I had a chance to talk to my brother yesterday as the wedding date is being finalized. The last week before the wedding is going to find Jane extremely busy and I am looking forward to spending some time with his little ones. They are so adorable. The call also gave me a chance to run the idea about the PGD-IVF by him.

He actually thinks I have potential to be a good father. I told Peter I had fooled him pretty good. 

I told him my concerns, which is basically I don't want Jane to have two kids to raise, the baby and me. Peter said that I need to realize its her decision to make, and I don't have a right to take that decision away from her to satisfy some inner guilt.(although I must say I try to do that!)

Dead or Alive - "Lover Come Back to Me"

Speaking of PGD-IVF, the first visit at the fertility clinic went well. We both are are on the normal side of the fertile scale so that's one less thing to worry about.

John Lennon - "Beautiful Boy"

Another thing Peter and I talked about was this blog. Like Jane, he has always respected my privacy. He asked if I would have a sample entry just so he would see what its like. So I'll be sending this entry to him. 

Today's double feature-Sparks

Sparks-"La Dolce Vita"

simply because  its not a real blog entry of mine if there isn't 

a Sparks song.

Not just any single Sparks song mind you, but

two from their Giorgio Moroder period.

Sparks-"Tryouts for the Human Race"

The Harry Simeone Chorale-"Do You Hear What I Hear"

Remember the copy of this cassette of this we owned when we were tots? 

I still think its the best Christmas Carol album ever released.

Sam Stokes - "Here We Come A-Wassailing (The American Edition)"

Peter, this explains the historical misunderstanding of 'Ameriglish' and why the American's think us English are so idiotic :)


Lyrics:

Here we come a-wassailing
Among the leaves so green.
Here we come a-wandering
So fair to be seen.
Love and joy come to you
And to you your wassail too.
And God bless you and send you
a happy new year.
And God send you a happy new year.

If you're not sure what a wassail is
you're not alone
You wonder why it's been so long
and you have never known.
It's because it's from England
it's not American.
Just like cricket, the Rolling Stones,
and figgy pudding, too.
It's just something that
British people do.

If you visit England,
I have this to say to you.
If you need a restroom,
then you'll have to find a loo.
Yes, it seems quite absurd,
they have many different words,
and they spell things like
favo(u)rite and colo(u)r with a "u"
what a funny European thing to do.

If you're in an English restaurant
and you're feeling kind of sick
because the person next to you
has ordered spotted dick.
There's no need to feel faint
No, it isn't what you think.
It's a pudding with raisins in it
nothing quite so foul.
Well, in England they say "willy" anyhow.

I hope you've learned enough
about English carols from this song.
That "don we now our gay apparel"
doesn't just sound wrong.
It does not insinuate
that the singers are not straight.
It's just more silly British talk
and I mean no offense
but leave speaking English to Americans.
Just leave speaking English to Americans.

Oh, didn't I say something earlier along the lines that this would be a typical blog post...well on the second half of this entry I lied :-D

Catch Paul Ware on Facebook or Twitter. I can also be reached via email (delete no spam) but much prefer the Facebook message option.

Tainted Love

I'm really not feeling good, still. Jane was awake most of the day and I've been up and down all day. The codeine in my cough syrup has really upset my gut. I just stayed curled up to Jane, at least I feel safe. I don't need a lot tonight but one thing I need is to feel like nothing can get to me. Call me a wuss.

The Rainmakers-"Small Circles"

Human League - "Life on Your Own (Extended)"

I've been extremely anxious the last couple days. I wish it would pass. It sucks enough to be anxious but to have this underlying fear at the same time, not a lot of fun, let me tell you.

Elvis Costello-"Veronica"

Soft Cell - "Tainted Love (Poly Gore)"

I love Marc Almond's voice. It can lull me to sleep like no other. On that note I'm going to play Poly Gore's Remix one more time.

I'm really wiped out from the combination of anxiety and fighting this pneumonia, so sleepy time for me. Take care.

The back room at the library where I used to work. Once donated books are sorted we'd get first dibs on the remaining books on the shelves. 

Catch Paul Ware on Facebook or Twitter. I can also be reached via email (delete no spam) but much prefer the Facebook message option.

Three times is the charm

I'm going to make it quick today, I'm still not feeling well. . The M.D. said that I never got over the pneumonia last time. Jane was not happy at all to hear that it took three visits and  the hospital never did take proper care of me last time. To placate me Jane bought me a pile of John Grisham movies and banned me from the bookcase for the next three nights.

Believe it or nor, I'm still running a bit chilly so Jane and I are making plans tonight to listen to the 1st episode of The HD View that featured Mary Robinson. Hopefully I'll be feeling better later this afternoon. I might try to watch Easy Rider, Raging Bull later. I kept putting the book down. Its really good but no matter how many times I've picked it up, somehow it ends up on the table next to my bed.

I'm really worried about J M. She's the Christian woman who has JHD, I wrote on her Facebook wall yesterday. A while ago she reached out to me. I remember our online conversation because she reached out to me without judging my spiritual belief. I don't pray for many people but I keep her in my prayers daily. It takes a special kind of person that will open up their hearts to a random atheist.

She's still not doing well, and I'm really worried about her.

Christmas With Fireplaces

Mood 6
Anxiety 5


I saw el shrinko, aka my head doctor today. It went well considering how much information I had to cover. I finally told him everything seems like its rushing by. He just looked at me with the look this guy below has on his face. Then he says "You're getting married, yeah?" and I'm like "duh yeah" and he laughed. He said its actually a common thing when people are in the middle of wedding preparations. 

Men at Work-"Overkill"

 Then I told him about the baby and Facebook and everything else that's been going on. He was more than a bit surprised. Then he mentioned it must not be bugging me too much. I asked him where he got that idea and he said because I didn't call for an extra appointment. That got me thinking, I do usually freak out and ask to be fit in. Does that make me more normal now?

Spandau Ballet-"True"

I still have that nasty cough. It hasn't gotten any worse, but its not any better either. So here I am with the rest of last night's Taco Bell  in the waiting room at the walk in clinic. 

Spandau Ballet-"Round and Round"

I'm waiting for the results of the X-Ray. I just want to curl up in bed. That's never a good sign.  What's even a worse sign is that the nurse just sent me to the hospital to be checked out. Jane is not going to be happy at all.

Oh, I knew I forgot something while moving my laptop from the clinic to the emergency room.. Doc asked me about the holidays. Its always a tough time. A friend of mine is struggling, she lost her mother this last year to HD and she really doesn't want to spend Christmas at home so she's planning on going down to the Grand Californian Hotel inside Disney's California Adventure. She told me last time she was at Disneyland it was during a storm and she ended up stuck at the fireplace  where she sat reading Stephen King's Duma Key  This is year she's buying the new V.C. Andrews and taking them down to the the Grand Californian. She's going to stay at the Super 8 across the street and just sit with her Droid and junk novels. That sounds really good, and I'm tempted to take her up on her invitation to stay in front of the fireplace. There is something about mourning somebody when you're not alone and have a shoulder to cry on.

Mike and the Mechanics-"The Living Years"

What surprised me is that Jane is interested in going. I told her its probably going to be one of the more boring trips. She shared with me that she never had closure over her close friend who  passed away from Hodgkin's Lymphoma early this year and she just isn't getting the holiday spirit. She shared with me that she is thinking that going down there will add some Christmas cheer as well as give her some closure. I called my friend and she really would love the company, so it looks like our Christmas plans are to spend the time in front of the fireplaces with good books. 

My friend MeekoDev with Duma Key
Off and to the right is the outdoor fireplace

The ER nurse just called my name so I'll see you tomorrow.

Mood 7.8

Anxiety 7

Catch Paul Ware on Facebook or Twitter. I can also be reached via email (delete no spam) but much prefer the Facebook message option.

Starting Over

Considering all that's happened lately, I feel absolutely normal.  I've been so busy feeling like a person with HD  that I was beginning to forget what its like to feel like a normal person. With all of these "normal people changes" happening in my life, its making me feel more like the average person on the street.

The Beatler-"Baby You're a Rich Man"

Jane finally signed up on Facebook yesterday. That means I can't walk by her humming "fool on the hill" any longer. Its also why I chose this song. If you've seen The Social Network, you know why. If you haven't seen it, run don't walk, over to your computer and log into your Netflix Account. and put Social Network  at the top of your queue. Its a really good movie.

In all seriousness though, I did post this on her FB wall at noon: *duck*

"The Social Network"

There is a photo circulating around the Occupy movement of Occupy Los Angeles. You know the old saying a picture is worth a thousand words? This one is worth two thousand. 

When I posted this photograph, several people pointed out the similarities between this situation and Kent State (as well as the Isla Vista riots). So I think its as good a reason as any to play this powerful song:

Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young - "Ohio"

Back to the Facebook thing, at first I was really concerned that Jane would be breathing down my neck, but then I reminded myself we are both adults. I asked her if it would be an issue if I blocked my blog posts from her. She asked if I could actually do that. I told her that yes, you can choose who can and can't see any post. Then she said that after the issue a long time ago where I had been upset over the fact she had read my tweets behind my back she would never do anything like that again, and the fact I can actually block her from seeing my Facebook blog posts made her feel better.

The Beatles-"Get Back"

On another note, Sunday night we talked some more about parenthood. 

By this afternoon, I've already gone to see the fertility doctor, as Jane had made appointments for both of us "just in case".  Outside of the threat of the "scary needle" it wasn't bad at all. Now all we have to do is wait to make sure this is what we both want to do. I know this is what I want, but it will be weeks to wait for the procedure. 

We also have the wedding to tend to first (how dare we!) , as well as taking quite a bit of time to make triple sure this is what we both want to do. We both agree that the worst thing is going through the process and then regretting it later. 

Neil Diamond-"Hello Again"

Last night we listened to The HD View online radio show. The subject was obtaining disability and it set both of us talking about the symptoms of Huntington's Disease and what the government looks for when people apply for SSI and SSD. Its sick that you have to suffer from physical symptoms before you are eligible for government assistance. Looking back now, I was very lucky that I was able to get on SSD for my Depression. It would have taken me forever to get on it for HD.

This weekend I began a nasty cough with a rattle so I'm going to lay down and if it doesn't get better by tomorrow I'll hit the Walk-in clinic.

Have a great evening, and eat anything more healthy than the Taco Bell I had for dinner.

Catch Paul Ware on Facebook or Twitter. I can also be reached via email (delete no spam) but much prefer the Facebook message option.

Wedding songs and ...Parenthood?

I finally got some some sleep, or I could say I crashed and burned. By nine pm I was knee deep in sleep. It was nice!


My sleep cycle readjusted, and I woke up bright and early. The downside is that my telephone is still sitting at 61% charged. Oh well, so is life. Just another excuse to stay in bed and read.

Band Aid-"Do They Know its Christmas"

I remember this record. I bought it, brought it home and put it on my turntable looking at the sleeve. I was surprised at the intricate design with so little time to design it. Overall, it was a nice little package.

David Bowie & Bing Crosby - "Little Drummer Boy/Peace on Earth"

Later today is a Christmas Party. I left an open open RSVP with the host. As much as I love this particular group and the party- the larger the group, the worse my physical symptoms lately. Its something I know I should be confronting but I'm not necessarily ready to do that.

Van Halen-"Right Now"

I love this song. Its on my list of empowering music. It reminds me that I can be here doing what I need to for myself or some where else. I want to be here, where I am,  "Right Now".

The next three songs are the current contenders for our wedding. If you have a favorite, let me know which one and why in the comments.

John Denver-"Follow Me"

I had forgotten this one until Jane brought it up when we discussing music. I don't know where I was exposed to this Denver song, but it was soon after my arrival in America. All I know is that in my mind I had always told myself that when I find the woman that's in this song I'll know she's the one. When I met Jane...you got it, she was the woman in this song. I didn't tell her this until three years ago as I didn't want to scare her away LOL.

Next...

Stevie Nicks & Don Henley-"Leather & Lace" 

Its offbeat, but so are we. Its also speaks of a strong woman with her own life separate from her lover, and a man who is not afraid to show to her his emotions. It also has a silly, literal meaning for us. When we first started dating, she was renting a house with two other girlfriends. We now own that house and the two former roommates will be her matrons of honor. I literally "walked into your house, and knew I'd never want to leave"

This is the current taker for first place:

Noel Paul Stookey - "The Wedding Song"

Yes, it has some religious references but I don't have a problem with them. With my spiritual uncertainty at most they it will always represent a snapshot of my life at the time we were married. If I spiritually move in any direction I see myself moving toward the spiritual side not the radical atheist side. Jane has always been a spiritual (not religious) person and really loves this song. Also if we chose this song and either of us move away from that point of view before the ceremony we can always revisit our choice at that time.

On another note, before I play one last Christmas song, yesterday evening Jane and I had another discussion. She wanted to revisit the issue of having children. 

No real problem here. I've had a vasectomy and we both know the chances of having that reversed. 


Did I tell you she had done her homework?


Yeap, she brings to the table a pile of information on pre-implantation genetic diagnosis-in vitro fertilization treatments, and the fact her health plan covers this procedure. That's a mouthful, huh? What PGD-IVF consists of is conceiving embryos in a petri dish and testing the embryos for Huntington's first, then only implanting the ones that have tested negative. 


Also, in IVF they can use a little needle to extract the sperm (OUCH!), so having a vasectomy doesn't stand in the way of the procedure. 


Now, actually I don't have any problem with this, well outside of the needle part. Its just, well, I never thought that I could be a father. 

Paul McCartney will be our double feature today.

Paul McCartney-"Put it There"

Last time I played this on my blog it was

 about my Godson, as I thought 

that was the closest I'd ever be to having a child.

Have a dreamed about it? Actually yes I have. After Jane and I last talked about this topic I had several dreams about being a dad. Its something I'd love to be, but its just that this has always been a bottom-of-the-bucket-list-sort-of dream, you know? Now its one tiny, well more than tiny,  step closer to becoming a reality. 


I told her to go ahead and start what she needs to on her end, I'm good to go on mine. Her  mouth dropped open. I leaned over and closed it. She hugged me and then nearly passed out. She really thought there was a good chance I was going to say no go. I told her that she doesn't need to second guess me, if she thinks I'll say yes, she's probably right. And then I told her if she hadn't already made the appointment I'd  give her ten bucks because I know her that well. She admitted she had, that it was Monday and that's when I told her we aren't getting married because we don't know each other, after all. 

Paul McCartney-"Maybe I'm Amazed"

John Lennon-"Woman"

To to be a sneak I slipped this in her IPod alarm clock this morning. 

Here are two Christmas songs to lead you out this afternoon. They are as different as can be.

A Cold War favourite
Weird Al-"Christmas at Ground Zero"

Kings College, Cambridge - "We Three Kings"

Hope you have a good Sunday.

Catch Paul Ware on Facebook or Twitter. I can also be reached via email (delete no spam) but much prefer the Facebook message option.

Day 3 No Night Sleep

This is the third day I haven't been able to sleep. Yesterday I was up until 9:00 a.m. and then slept until 1:00. Last night, up all night, and two nights ago the same with a three hour nap. What's going on?

Nina Simone-"Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood"

I was turned on to Nina by a friend who adored soul.

I've never been the same since the first day I listened to 

records with him.

At first I brushed it up to stopping my mood stabilizer but all over my Facebook and Twitter people are complaining of lack of sleep at night. Is there more to it? 

Credence Clearwater Revival - "Bad Moon Rising"

The first two nights we had high winds. Winds so high they literally blew headphones off my body and down to only God-Knows-Where. Less than 100 miles from me the San Gabriel Valley is expected to be without power until at least Monday.  Could it be these winds put me on edge making it hard to sleep?

Here's today's double feature, Arlo Guthrie.

Arlo Guthrie-"City of New Orleans"

Some of you may not know that Arlo is "one of us", meaning he lived under the specter of Huntington's Disease. Arlo's father was the well known folk musician 'Woody' Guthrie, who suffered from before dying of the disorder. This made Arlo an at-risk individual. To this day it would not surprise me to find out that he is one of those funding the private organization working to find a cure of HD.

Whenever I question my motives, I remind myself of how Arlo lives his life and I remind myself that I don't have to let this disease force me to live with a black cloud over my head all the time.

All 15 minutes of 

Arlo Guthrie-"Alice's Restaurant Live at Farm Aid '05"

My main problem with the lack of sleep is that it brings out two of my symptoms almost right away. The first is my depression. The second is my leg jerking. If I don't sleep for one night, the next day I'll be laying down and "jerk" out from my kneecaps. Sitting in a chair and "jerk" Its not pleasant at all, and it makes napping twice as hard. 

William S. Burroughs-"A Thanksgiving Prayer"

I spent a year with a friend's family on Thanksgiving so I wouldn't have to spend the American holiday alone. When this came on the television it was time for silence as their 65 year old grandfather watched it as some would stop to watch a televised orchestra play a well liked tune. It was clear where @MeekoDev got her sense of taste and culture.  

Red Hot Chili Peppers-"Under The Bridge"

I think these symptoms are more aggravating to me because as I'm getting my life settled at its new state and enjoying my new routine this comes through and reminds me that I'm not a normal person with a normal routine. It throws me off. The good thing in this is that I am seeing that there is so much left in my regular  routine that can be interrupted. Also, now that I know these symptoms, I can recognize it for what it is and go on.

Paul Young-"(Wherever I Lay My Hat) That's My Home"

A year ago I would have sworn this is my theme song.

Its nice to have grown enough to say it no longer is.

Well, I'm going to leave you now. See you tomorrow.

You figure out why.

Catch Paul Ware on Facebook or Twitter. I can also be reached via email (delete no spam) but much prefer the Facebook message option.