Been too long, Popping in with an update.

For two weeks my laptop is in the shop. The canister is used by the twins so I'm a bit uncomfortable using that for my personal writings. The problem is Blogger's mobile platform doesn't allow me to place embedded music videos so its going to be text for a while.

First, my friends Stella and Jan of HDTrainwreck are in my thoughts. Jan is having a bit of a crisis of Faith with all the destruction HD is causing around her. Both her sister and Father are suffering from this disease.

Jan went to the Las Vegas HD Convention this year on scholarship. Stella also applied but did not receive one.

I've been asked if I am going. A resounding NO!  Perhaps it was seeing my mother suffer before killing herself. Perhaps  it was seeing my grandfather succumb to the final stages of the disease,  but I know where I'm going.  Simply put I don't want to be around it anymore.

This isn't new to me, I considered going to a support group once. Just the idea gave me nightmares for a month. I think it's great for some people, I'm just not one of them.

Stella is still battling her depression. In terms of dealing with soft symptoms I feel like she's my soul sister. I was in the hospital for them myself last week. It stated innocuously enough. I was on Twitter and suddenly couldn't manage some basic functions. My brain was confusing the private message or DM function with the open communication mention function. Even after using the basic software almost daily for months my brain functioning simply forgot the difference. This caused my frustration and depression, all HD related, to skyrocket. Before I knew it, I was running around the block trying to get all these pent up feelings out. It didn't work.

So back to the hospital I went. Med adjustment time, again. 

There went our vacation to Belfast. Corrine Kelly, our twins paternal grandmother, flew out to spend time with her two grandchildren from her late son , Dahy "David" Kelly. A friend of ours Dan G., and former co -worker of Dahy's, came up to help Jane and me while I was at hospital.

The poor man was served with divorce papers his third day here. Jane and I have opened our house to Dan but unlike Dahy, he doesn't like to commute to Los Angeles daily for work. I can't say I blame him. So after his work break he drove down to start on a new project. We're hoping we can convince him to come up on the weekends. We can always use an extra pair of hands and it must be better than sleeping in a hotel. Besides, we have better company, weather, and beaches than LA. His kids have playmates in the twins. We even have live fruit trees in our backyard. Oranges, apples, figs, tangerines, and lemons among others. What's there not to like?

This is my life the last couple of weeks. Thanks for stopping by to read.

Just Try

Hello, long time no see. The kids are keeping me busy during the afternoon and evenings. During the day I spend it keeping the house clean, preparing dinner and generally taking care of myself. I need to find a happy medium for blog time as well. Everything else has seemed to find its niche.

Culture Club - "Time (Clock Of The Heart)"

DJ was invited to sing at his vocal coach's recital in September. We are all very excited for him. She admitted that its not her practice to have first year students perform but she thinks he'll shine. The Ware house is very excited for him. Especially his sister Sasha who has been bragging to anyone and everyone who will listen.


We were actually a bit concerned about how Sasha would deal with all this attention on her brother. So far she's handling it well. 

To think it all started with Uncle Paul playing this song:

Depeche Mode - "Condemnation"

We may have discovered her talent. She had expressed interest in ice skating but with the nearest rink an hour away we didn't know how interested she really was. It now appears her father would drop her off with her coach two days a week near Los Angeles while he worked in the afternoons. Then he'd watch her for an hour practicing. She had been skating in pairs with a seven year old boy. She never volunteered that Dahy had dropped her off at the rink until last week when I pushed her after she told me again she liked to skate. This time I asked her when she'd gone, and she replied "all the time". I asked a few more probing questions and it all came out. Finally when told her that I had no idea she told me since I was good friends with her Daddy she assumed I'd known. That's when I had the first Paul-is-not-a-mind-reader speech. 

Falco - "Rock Me Amadeus (Original Single Version)"

After some well placed phone calls, I was able to get through to her pairs coach. She had wondered why Sasha had stopped coming so suddenly, and why her mother never returned her calls after her missed lessons. I explained that Sasha had been with her father his last week, and soon after staying with us. Sasha's partner had already moved on to train with another girl. She's not working out well with him, and his mother said she'd much prefer to start him up with Sasha again. Now if we can only get her custom skates from her former home, that would be a blessing. If not, we'll take the money for her new skates from the estate her father left her. She had just finished breaking in her last pair, though, so we want to avoid that if possible. In the meantime I renewed her annual Figure Skating Club membership card so she will be able to test when she is ready.


Sasha's coach had expressed real sadness over Dahy's death. He had left a very favourable impression on her. Not just as a skating parent as a person in general. 

West Side Story - "America"

The move looks like it will probably be a "go". A woman Jane knows from work wants a smaller house and with three children we need a bigger one. The plan is for us to pay the difference with a loan from her parents and then tie our mortgage onto the new property. The appraisers came earlier this week, and Monday we have an appointment to have the bank go over our new property.

Billy Idol - "Mony Mony (Live)"

Also on the horizon early next month is our visit to Corrine, their grandmother, who lives in West Belfast. She is a bit frightened only having flown twice (the first time was to meet Jane and see Dahy) so she'll be flying back with us and staying for a few weeks in the summer.  I've already starting cleaning out my library to convert it back to a bedroom for her stay. On top of all this, Corrine has already offered to come out when Baby Ware is born to help raise the twins while Jane and I adjust to him/her. Talk about a blessing in disguise. If this June works out well, we may take her up on the offer. 

Soulsavers - "Just Try"

My current favourite Soulsavers song. I know that I've been pounding them down your throat but I haven't heard an album as good as "The Light the Dead See"  in several years. It also came out at a time in my life when I am also spending a lot of time looking at my own spirituality. The great thing about this album is that it isn't so much as in belief in God, but is simply about a search for "God, as you understand him." If you recognize that last phrase, you will probably get quite a bit from this album. I believe that's why I can't stop playing it, the music feels as if its about my journey as well.


To those of you who leave comments, they brighten my day. Thanks. 

Catch Paul Ware on Facebook or Twitter. I can also be reached via email (delete no spam) but much prefer the Facebook message option. The comments section is fine too.

Want to know when the next blog is coming out or recommend it to a friend? There is an easy Facebook page for that now.

Introspection

This is another one of the "OMG I miss Dahy and I'm going to write all about it" so if that's not what floats your boat, don't say I didn't warn you.


Before I talk about my friend, first I want to discuss some sleep issues I have been having lately. For over two weeks I was averaging less than two hours a night. These two hours were so fragmented that cycle after cycle I was not entering REM sleep. A mind needs REM to properly sleep. A lack of it can actually cause psychosis. In my case, I nearly had a nervous breakdown. Last Monday I finally took so ill I ended up on the lawn slurring my words and my thoughts were completely fragmented. 

The Human League - "You've Lost That Loving Feeling"

While waiting for my psychiatrist to return my call, a friend recommended I call the man who last changed my meds at rehab. I did and he recognized my problem immediately. He put me on a low dose of the antidepressant impramine which I had been switched off when they put me on the Lexapro. We don't know why it took this long to effect me but the point is that less 48 hours later I had two full nights of uninterrupted sleep.



Ever since the ninth my wife and I have been in an extreme funk. It was also Mother's Day on Sunday here in America, and that is a reminder of my mum.Yes, I still miss her. 

The Stone Poneys feat. Linda Ronstadt - "Different Drum"

On the positive side, this was my wife's first Mother's Day since she became pregnant on the 5th of January as well as now being a mother to DJ and Sasha.  

This is probably my favourite women's empowerment song. When my wife had gone back to college I would play this every morning on the drive to her classes. Sunday I put my cellphone with this song playing  on the tray DJ and Sasha used to serve her breakfast in bed. She damn nearly cried.

Peter Gabriel & Youssou N'Dour -"Shaking the Tree"

When I turned into this type of introspective and melancholy mood I began to ponder about the possibility of an afterlife. The more I've thought about it lately, the more I find my mind opening to idea there might be something out there I'm not ready to accept. 

Soulsavers-"Presence of God"

Now with Dahy gone, I do hope one day to be reunited with two important people in my life. To see him and my mum both healthy and no longer having to fight their respective illnesses and demons, well that idea brings peace to my heart. I mean dammit no one should ever have to suffer like they did. Would it be the end of the world if they could actually experience what "should have been" instead of their life just ending when they died. Is that too much to ask for?

Joni Mitchell - "Circle Game"

Especially with the loss of Dahy I've begun to wonder about my lack in a belief in a god, much less all the anger I feel toward things like Huntington's Disease. Have I actually been blaming someone who may not even be responsible. Who ever said that a god is to blame for all the evil this world? 


If anyone ever got the bad end of the stick in life, it was Dahy. Yet he still managed to find some peace of mind in his church. So do his children. In fact, just recently Sasha told me she looks forward to going to church because its where she feels closest to her father. I find that bizarre just based on her age. Seven year old's can't grasp the ideas around most of the rituals and god talk yet, so I think there is something else going on. I do know that she thinks that's the one place her dad always found his centre (as she calls it "his calm").

Wilson Phillips - "Hold On"

I once heard a Catholic Priest speak on evil and the bad things that happen to us. He said that evil was brought on when Adam and Eve committed their big sin. The kicker is that this man went on to say that many people are uncomfortable with the thought of God not stepping in at that time. However, if he had then he would have taken away their free will. If he took that away, Adam and Eve wouldn't have been made in his image. God did have free will, after all and he made man and woman, not robot. 

STYX - "Mr. Roboto"

So combine what would have been David's 39th birthday followed four days later by Mother's Day and its been a bit sad of a week. Not depressed. Just introspective and melancholy. Obviously I've been doing a lot of thinking too. 

Nina Simone-"Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood"

This next song reminds me of Jane's recent trip to New Orleans. I have never heard this version before tonight. It also reminds me of Jan and Stella of HDTrainwreck. Their father, who has Huntington's Disease, has always been a big Animals fan.

The Animals-"House Of The Rising Sun (live)"

The home network went out last weekend, so we've been without internet access except for our telephones. Once I got that needed sleep yesterday I went straight to work on fixing it. Since my primary computer has been locked down for some odd bios password issue I don't have the ability to get to any of my data. I'm currently on an old laptop. At least the important parts like Word and the DVD player work on this old one.

Well, my eyes are falling down. So off I'm going to try and get a nap in. Right now, I want every inch of sleep I can get.

Catch Paul Ware on Facebook or Twitter. I can also be reached via email (delete no spam) but much prefer the Facebook message option. The comments section is fine too.

Want to know when the next blog is coming out or recommend it to a friend? There is an easy Facebook page for that now.

Cruel

Joy Division-"Atmosphere"

Since I heard DJ at his first voice lesson on Saturday, I've been in a contemplative mood musically.

Lately there have several major things I was asked to hold in confidence.That is fine, but since I'm a fairly social animal I have a tendency to then hold everything back. Its learning to find my balance again

First in my family another member recently tested positive for Huntington's Disease. I was honestly hoping to take one for the team by getting HD, but it wasn't going to happen. 

Depeche Mode - "So Cruel" 

Its interesting, this last piece of music. I'm not a big fan of this tune, but I was looking for a song to put here, and my brain kept telling me it would be the perfect place for So Cruel. That is what music is supposed to do, influence how you think.


While I'm on the subject of Depeche Mode, the day I wrote my last blog post I realized my information was a bit off. They were still here until that afternoon working on the new album, I literally missed them by half an hour in fact, being as I was downtown on other business. The same block as the studio. Rumour is that they will be coming here to work so we'll have to see if its going to be another Santa Barbara Sound Design LP like Playing the Angel and the (Bare) rerecordings were. Personally, I love the vibe that studio seems to send the band home with. 

 Destruction Rock at it's best. The first half of today's double feature:

The Police-"Synchronicity II"

On another note, there was some information Dahy's mother did not want to know about her son's final days. Jane and I have no problem with this. We understand and respect their relationship. There's another person who felt differently and took it upon themselves to inform her in a way in which she would not have a choice but to learn. This person felt that they knew better what his Mum would want to know. Needless to say discovering that she was informed of this and then having to field questions to settle her mind was not a pleasant experience. She had wanted to go at this time not knowing, who are you to question whether her decision was the correct one to have made?

The Police - "Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic"

She is a lot like her son that way. Unlike me, who feels I need every piece of information to make a well informed decision the Kelly's seem to have a strong belief that they don't want or need unnecessary information. 

Pink Floyd - "Another Brick In The Wall"

Last November after Dahy's test results had come back with a very high viral load and dropping CD4 count. That meant he was becoming resistant to his meds and at best it was time for him to try something new. At worst, it was time for him to get his affairs in order.

We went down to Los Angles to see his doctor. Dahy sat down, listened to a quick briefing and then asked three questions. We left five minutes later, he went and filled a prescription for two tablets, swallowed them and proceeded to (try to) work for the remainder of the day. At 4:00 in the afternoon we drove back to the doctor's office and he let the appointment secretary know that the medication made him too sick for a less than 25 percent chance of working. 

Simple Minds - "Belfast Child (live)"

How the hell does someone make a decision like that? I never could. It is not enough to make an informed decision to discontinue medical treatment. For my friend, anything past that small amount of information would only cloud his process over a life and death decision.

If I can't respect that in my best friends and family, then what does that say about me?

Frankie Goes to Hollywood-"Born to Run"

Catch Paul Ware on Facebook or Twitter. I can also be reached via email (delete no spam) but much prefer the Facebook message option. The comments section is fine too.

Want to know when the next blog is coming out or recommend it to a friend? There is an easy Facebook page for that now.

Two Sleeping Children

Soft Cell-"Tainted Love / Where Did Our Love Go (poly gore)"

Its on warm nights that this song was pressed for. There is nothing quite like it. Poly Gore's remix brings out the best of Mark Almond's voice as well as the analog synthesizer. 

For the second night in a row the twins were out cold before ten o'clock. Thanks to technology I discovered their father's key to getting them tired enough to sleep. Namely the one day he was on Twitter he had mentioned playing with them and then reading them a story, which they woke him up long enough to complete. Jane and I had been running on fumes since they came home so we figured it wouldn't hurt to play  them to the point of exhaustion. It worked. We were tired, and they were  sleepy. Aces in the hole!

Bronski Beat & Marc Almond-"I Feel Love Melody"

My anxiety has been kicking my butt for the last two days. The good part is that most of the time its still manageable. Switching anti-depressants seemed to have helped. I'm not happy with a couple of the side effects but my doctor is in the middle of the lowering my Lexapro and bringing Impramine back up. With any luck that will reduce side effects from both of them while keeping my depression at bay.

This looks to be a very promising year in music. We started off with Hiem and Phil Oakey's 2AM in February.

Hiem and Phil Oakey-"2AM"

March saw the release of  VCMG (Vince Clark and Martin Gore)'s album Ssss

VCMG-"Single Blip"

May will find us with a new SoulSaver's album The Light The Dead See which is actually a joint project with the duo and Dave Gahan.

SoulSavors-"Longest Day"

Finally, hopefully early next year will see Depeche Mode album and tour. They just moved from Gore's studio here in Santa Barbara to New York City last month. 

All I ask is please, please get someone else besides Emily Lazar to master the CD. As much as I love Playing the Angel, the CD Master is atrocious. 

Compare that to last year when we had the Human League's Credo. As good as that album was, one album does not a musical year make.

The Human League-"Night People"

I know this blog entry is low on information but considering its 3 in the morning and all I wanted to do was crank a few tunes, I think it did the job nicely.

Good morning.

Catch Paul Ware on Facebook or Twitter. I can also be reached via email (delete no spam) but much prefer the Facebook message option. The comments section is fine too.

Want to know when the next blog is coming out or recommend it to a friend? There is an easy Facebook page for that now.

Easter Monday

I hope this blog post finds you well. This year for Easter I actually had plans. My children's First Confession was that morning, their Palm Sunday and our Easter.

Ted Neeley-"Gethsemane"

Their father had bought the outfits for them to wear during his last night at home. He hung up the clothes, gave each of his kids a kiss and went off to work. Somewhere in there he managed to drop a note into each of their pockets.


My wife was getting their clothes ready when she found the piece of paper in DJ's pocket. She opened it, read it, put it back and started sobbing. Its been that kind of weekend.

OMD-"If You Leave"

It was a nice day. It may sound sad, but its really not. Its been a time of healing. We are starting to enjoy each other's company and feel like a family. In fact, Easter afternoon we were invited to a friend's house for a BBQ. This is the first time all four of us were invited to do something together.

Somehow last night before this happened I was listening to music when this song came on. DJ fell in love right away, so to not include it would be a crime.

Paul McCartney-"Put It There"

After a while I sat near the stereo and played Music For the Masses followed by Songs of Faith and Devotion. Jane asked me several times to turn it off before the kids started singing Strangelove at school. I thought she was over reacting until this morning. I heard DJ sing "Common Nation" while getting dressed. Its a good thing I put those headphones on before he learned a worse set of words.

DJ has the most beautiful voice. This is the first time I ever heard it. He is the more quiet of the twins, so it was a shock for him to open up by singing as he did. Music runs in that family. I hope he chooses to do something with it.

Jane agrees with me, and we have decided to consider voice lessons. At the least it hopefully will give him an outlet to release his feelings. It couldn't hurt, could it? It might even help him crawl out of his shell a little.

Sasha on the other hand has been very willing to say what is on her mind. As I went in to read them a story last night she just looked up at me and told me she misses her Daddy. I told her that I did too, and we talked about him back and forth, sharing stories. 

Depeche Mode (Devotional Tour)-"Condemnation"

Finally, my friend Stella is going to Brattleboro Retreat tomorrow for help with her depression. Stella was recently diagnosed with Huntington's Disease after her positive HD gene test last year. She is understandably nervous about her stay there and I will be keeping her in my thoughts. I'd appreciate it if you would do the same.

So Stella, this song is going out to you.

The Beatles-"Baby, You're a Rich Man"

Catch Paul Ware on Facebook or Twitter. I can also be reached via email (delete no spam) but much prefer the Facebook message option. The comments section is fine too.

Want to know when the next blog is coming out or recommend it to a friend? There is an easy Facebook page for that now.

Double Trouble

I can't believe I'm home already. Its been two days here,. and all is well. Actually it isn't. Yesterday I went to the mail box only to discover the Feds decided they didn't like my deferment on my student loans so they're deducting it from my disability check starting-this month! As if that wasn't bad enough, I get to the pharmacy and when I didn't pick up my meds last month, they shelved them. Then they forgot to put my refill back in the computer. That means I don't have my Haldol until I get in to see my doctor next week. Not good. This med controls my aggravation level, helps with my Lyrica to control my moods swings, and by its natural sedative effect controls my shaking with my Klonopin.

Roman Sidorov-"Sedative"

Dahy's twins are currently staying with us. They are rambunctious and filled with energy constantly, just like their father. They're wonderful children and its nice to have them around when they aren't in school. It also makes it harder for me to drink because one of my steadfast rules has always been that I don't drink around children. Even in my worst when I was climbing up freeways hoping a car would run over me, even then I wouldn't drink around my sister or any other children. I can't count the times I dropped my little sister off at the neighbours just so I could get loaded. Its a lot like the way Dahy would drop off the twins at my home when they were babies, now that I think about it.

The Cars-"Drive"

Right now I'm having a real Huntington's Disease moment. As I was proofreading the last paragraph I noticed that very single time I'd use a pronoun relating to myself, I had just left it out. Oops. That really needs to fixed dontcha  think. 


On a more cheerful note, because I really don't feel that down in the dumps even if it seems like it, Depeche Mode is back in the studio. Yeah! Now if we can just drag Human League back there as well I would be really happy. 

The band had nearly fallen  apart from problems on the Devotional tour (including Martin Gore's alcoholic seizures, Andy Fletcher's near nervous breakdown which forced him to leave the tour and David Gahan's heroin, cocaine and alcohol addiction) and this was their one chance to prove they could come back together.When MTV offered to feature them on The Singles Tour they knew they would have to prove they were still around. In the middle of this performance you can see on their faces that the music and audience began to click. It is one of those great times in musical history. 

If you ever want to do a PSA on drugs, it should star this band. This was Depeche Mode's due or die moment.

Depeche Mode-"Enjoy The Music @Cologne (live)"

That song starting me thinking of other do or die moments. Here's another. It was what finally brought U2 fame and fortune. Live Aid: 

U2-"Bad (live"

Live Aid

While this is playing I'll fill you in a bit on everything else that's been going on in my life. The Twins are getting comfortable here. We had a hard afternoon yesterday. The Twins had noticed my shaking that the Haldol usually smooths out. They wanted to know what was wrong. I explained it in very basic terms leaving myself open to questions. DJ hit me right off with "Are you going to  die from this?" I think he asked this because  his father died from being sick. I told DJ it would be a long  time from now. Then he hit the ground in a temper tantrum while yelling that this is what his father had said. I didn't know 7 year old's even had temper tantrums but this one sure did. I got on the floor and rolled over to him, putting my head, face up, under his. He had to stop throwing the tantrum because he didn't want to hurt me. Then I simply asked him if I looked like his father, he had to admit I didn't. Then I tickled him until he smiled. That seemed to resolve the issue for now.

I do want to take a minute to thank everyone on my Facebook who took the time to answer my question about talking to the kids about HD yesterday. The information I got was extremely helpful when talking to them. 

Here is a great single from Credo, The Human League's latest album. 

The Human League-"Never Let Me Go"

Just a minute ago I went looking for my Facebook/Twitter code on some older posts. Among them I found the two pages I had written the first night I was sitting at Dahy's bedside over at the medical center. I published that post, and an hour later pulled both pages of it off.  Its so sad and filled with my emotion that I'm still a bit shaken from reading it. Someday I'll publish it.

Here is one of his favourite songs.

Muddy Waters="Baby, Please Don't Go"  

Catch Paul Ware on Facebook or Twitter. I can also be reached via email (delete no spam) but much prefer the Facebook message option. The comments section is fine too.

Want to know when the next blog is coming out or recommend it to a friend? There is an easy Facebook page for that now.

Crawling Out of My Black Hole

I hope this isn't too choppy. Its taken several days to write this as my internet time is extremely limited until I get the hell outta here Monday.

The Bangles-"Maniac Monday"

My wife has decided that we will take in David's children. So baby will make five in September. Our family is growing by leaps and bounds. Its enjoyable to watch from the sidelines but it will be interesting once I get home. So much for the single man who didn't want children who started this blog last year. Sasha and DJ are seven years old and so adorable. Yes, I said those kids are adorable.  Do you rake me over the coals now or later?

Peter, Paul and Mary-"Puff, The Magic Dragon"

This morning my wife called my Huntington's Disease doctor all the way from North Ireland where she's visiting David's mother. She is having a enjoyable and needed trip. I'm so glad she went.

This is for my wife, who's currently in love with Night of The Proms. 

Simple Minds - "Belfast Child" 

After this call they put me on Klonapin. It's helping my hands from bouncing off the keyboard all the time. They took me off the Xanax when I came in. They took me off everything and then played around until they found drugs they think are working. They're doing something right because I don't have the crazy need to listen to the Depeche Mode's Black Celebration album all the time.

Yes, I was literally living through thoughts that dark. It should have been a warning sign to me. Instead of looking out out for myself with all these flags I just went about my daily business while I had this album on constantly.  

Depeche Mode-"Black Celebration"

Is it any amazement that I drank after ten years of sobriety? I lost my best friend who died literally in my arms with his beautiful children at his feet, I didn't reach out to my wife since she was also grieving, causing us to begin to heal separately instead of doing this important act together. Then my depression kicked in, instead of treating I let myself fall into the black hole. I let myself stay there. I didn't do the things I know would help me get out of it. Instead of focusing on my recovery and sobriety I let myself focus on all the pitfalls in my life and my program. Once I start nitpicking my recovery message, that is a sign my thinking isn't quite right.

Human League-"(Keep Feeling) Fascination"

I am finally starting to feel better over all of this. I'm learning that I don't need to live constantly in a state of bereavement. Life does go on and its time for me to accept that and live it. David would not want me holed up in a room drinking and using. I know this because he didn't want that for himself. 

There is a saying in the program that it is basically one alcoholic/addict helping another. When I lost David, I lost a major lifeline to my sobriety.  Instead of doing what I should have, like raising my meeting attendance, I did the opposite and started isolating. 

Eminem - "Not Afraid"

Well, its time to wrap up so I can have enough time to get this posted to my Facebook. Thank you for continuing to follow me on this journey known as my life.

My 15 Minutes of Fame

Hi all. I have 15 minutes online today and I chose to spend it with you. Aren't you the lucky ones LOL ;) I just wanted everyone to know I'm alright. I'm coming home on the 2nd but you can write me at my email paulworre@nospam.gmail.com and I check that twice a day now. 


Life is treating me well, and my plans are to be back on the 2nd of April. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers.


Paul

My Crystal Staircase

When working at the College library many moons ago, professors would oftten put a copy of required material on loan so that students' wouldn't have to buy a whole book to study at school or buy a book for a single piece of poetry.

This is how I came across Langston Hughes. 

Mr. Hughes was an African American poet. That by itself meant he was not widely read. He was read by me however. The professor dropped off a piece titled "Mother to Son" and I read it on my break.

The poem is as follows:

Well, son, I'll tell you:
Life for me ain't been no crystal stair.
It's had tacks in it,
And splinters,
And boards torn up,
And places with no carpet on the floor --
Bare.
But all the time
I'se been a-climbin' on,
And reachin' landin's,
And turnin' corners,
And sometimes goin' in the dark
Where there ain't been no light.
So boy, don't you turn back.
Don't you set down on the steps
'Cause you finds it's kinder hard.
Don't you fall now --
For I'se still goin', honey,
I'se still climbin',
And life for me ain't been no crystal stair.

It was a nice poem, soft and well written so I made a xerox of it where I stored it until I had forgotten I even had the thing. Then one day Dahy Kelly, a fine Northern Irishman from Belfast, entered my life.

Dahy didn't need to know this poem, he had lived it most of his life. A child of Catholic parents, growing up as a member of the minority of the people who inhabited his country, Northern Ireland, Dahy spoke a different language (Gaelic), and considered himself a separate unrecognized citizen which even had its own paramilitary force (The Provos). By the time Dahy was about eight years old the first of the hunger strikers, Bobby Sands, had died. Over 100,000 people attended his funeral mass alone.

Political leaders on both sides of the conflict died. Military and political groups would change agendas and sometimes even names. In single years 500 people would be killed, the majority civilians.

When Jane first met Dahy, she could not believe what he told her. This simply doesn't happen in the western world. We are talking about a country that shared two borders with the Republic of Ireland and near to England, not a Middle Eastern country in a faraway land as Lebanon.

So one day he brought her a small simple pamphlet (Dahy and I may have been friends but we didn't  share the same hobbies). This pamphlet he felt would explain to Jane exactly what  life was like where he grew up. It was titled "They Kill Children, Don't They?" and it documented with photographic illustrations the results of the so-called peaceful rubber bullets the British soldiers would use to disperse small crowds of children and teenagers. You read me correctly, it had photos of dead kids, killed by the British Army in power.

The world lost Dahy at the end of last week from Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome, surrounded by his family. He was 38 years old, a loving husband and father of two beautiful 7 year old twins, one boy and one girl  (they had their birthday the 3rd of March).

In lieu of flowers, Dahy asked for the money you would have spent on flowers, not a penny more or less, to be donated to a charity of your choice. If you do not have a specific charity in mind, please consider

MusicCares MAP Fund.
MusiCares
3030 Olympic Boulevard
Santa Monica, CA 90404.

In addition, a brief visit to see if you are eligible to give another the gift of life through stem cell transplantation was also requested. This free and painless test can be ordered at http://marrow.org/Join/Join_the_Registry.aspx

Finally, before you judge a fellow man, ask yourself if you have climbed up the crystal or wooden stairs? For someone once told me the wooden ones are made up of torn boards and have tacks. They aren't a place where you can sit down while you take a break from living your life.

Thank you from the Kellys, Paul and  Jane Ware.