Two Sleeping Children

Soft Cell-"Tainted Love / Where Did Our Love Go (poly gore)"

Its on warm nights that this song was pressed for. There is nothing quite like it. Poly Gore's remix brings out the best of Mark Almond's voice as well as the analog synthesizer. 

For the second night in a row the twins were out cold before ten o'clock. Thanks to technology I discovered their father's key to getting them tired enough to sleep. Namely the one day he was on Twitter he had mentioned playing with them and then reading them a story, which they woke him up long enough to complete. Jane and I had been running on fumes since they came home so we figured it wouldn't hurt to play  them to the point of exhaustion. It worked. We were tired, and they were  sleepy. Aces in the hole!

Bronski Beat & Marc Almond-"I Feel Love Melody"

My anxiety has been kicking my butt for the last two days. The good part is that most of the time its still manageable. Switching anti-depressants seemed to have helped. I'm not happy with a couple of the side effects but my doctor is in the middle of the lowering my Lexapro and bringing Impramine back up. With any luck that will reduce side effects from both of them while keeping my depression at bay.

This looks to be a very promising year in music. We started off with Hiem and Phil Oakey's 2AM in February.

Hiem and Phil Oakey-"2AM"

March saw the release of  VCMG (Vince Clark and Martin Gore)'s album Ssss

VCMG-"Single Blip"

May will find us with a new SoulSaver's album The Light The Dead See which is actually a joint project with the duo and Dave Gahan.

SoulSavors-"Longest Day"

Finally, hopefully early next year will see Depeche Mode album and tour. They just moved from Gore's studio here in Santa Barbara to New York City last month. 

All I ask is please, please get someone else besides Emily Lazar to master the CD. As much as I love Playing the Angel, the CD Master is atrocious. 

Compare that to last year when we had the Human League's Credo. As good as that album was, one album does not a musical year make.

The Human League-"Night People"

I know this blog entry is low on information but considering its 3 in the morning and all I wanted to do was crank a few tunes, I think it did the job nicely.

Good morning.

Catch Paul Ware on Facebook or Twitter. I can also be reached via email (delete no spam) but much prefer the Facebook message option. The comments section is fine too.

Want to know when the next blog is coming out or recommend it to a friend? There is an easy Facebook page for that now.

Easter Monday

I hope this blog post finds you well. This year for Easter I actually had plans. My children's First Confession was that morning, their Palm Sunday and our Easter.

Ted Neeley-"Gethsemane"

Their father had bought the outfits for them to wear during his last night at home. He hung up the clothes, gave each of his kids a kiss and went off to work. Somewhere in there he managed to drop a note into each of their pockets.


My wife was getting their clothes ready when she found the piece of paper in DJ's pocket. She opened it, read it, put it back and started sobbing. Its been that kind of weekend.

OMD-"If You Leave"

It was a nice day. It may sound sad, but its really not. Its been a time of healing. We are starting to enjoy each other's company and feel like a family. In fact, Easter afternoon we were invited to a friend's house for a BBQ. This is the first time all four of us were invited to do something together.

Somehow last night before this happened I was listening to music when this song came on. DJ fell in love right away, so to not include it would be a crime.

Paul McCartney-"Put It There"

After a while I sat near the stereo and played Music For the Masses followed by Songs of Faith and Devotion. Jane asked me several times to turn it off before the kids started singing Strangelove at school. I thought she was over reacting until this morning. I heard DJ sing "Common Nation" while getting dressed. Its a good thing I put those headphones on before he learned a worse set of words.

DJ has the most beautiful voice. This is the first time I ever heard it. He is the more quiet of the twins, so it was a shock for him to open up by singing as he did. Music runs in that family. I hope he chooses to do something with it.

Jane agrees with me, and we have decided to consider voice lessons. At the least it hopefully will give him an outlet to release his feelings. It couldn't hurt, could it? It might even help him crawl out of his shell a little.

Sasha on the other hand has been very willing to say what is on her mind. As I went in to read them a story last night she just looked up at me and told me she misses her Daddy. I told her that I did too, and we talked about him back and forth, sharing stories. 

Depeche Mode (Devotional Tour)-"Condemnation"

Finally, my friend Stella is going to Brattleboro Retreat tomorrow for help with her depression. Stella was recently diagnosed with Huntington's Disease after her positive HD gene test last year. She is understandably nervous about her stay there and I will be keeping her in my thoughts. I'd appreciate it if you would do the same.

So Stella, this song is going out to you.

The Beatles-"Baby, You're a Rich Man"

Catch Paul Ware on Facebook or Twitter. I can also be reached via email (delete no spam) but much prefer the Facebook message option. The comments section is fine too.

Want to know when the next blog is coming out or recommend it to a friend? There is an easy Facebook page for that now.

Double Trouble

I can't believe I'm home already. Its been two days here,. and all is well. Actually it isn't. Yesterday I went to the mail box only to discover the Feds decided they didn't like my deferment on my student loans so they're deducting it from my disability check starting-this month! As if that wasn't bad enough, I get to the pharmacy and when I didn't pick up my meds last month, they shelved them. Then they forgot to put my refill back in the computer. That means I don't have my Haldol until I get in to see my doctor next week. Not good. This med controls my aggravation level, helps with my Lyrica to control my moods swings, and by its natural sedative effect controls my shaking with my Klonopin.

Roman Sidorov-"Sedative"

Dahy's twins are currently staying with us. They are rambunctious and filled with energy constantly, just like their father. They're wonderful children and its nice to have them around when they aren't in school. It also makes it harder for me to drink because one of my steadfast rules has always been that I don't drink around children. Even in my worst when I was climbing up freeways hoping a car would run over me, even then I wouldn't drink around my sister or any other children. I can't count the times I dropped my little sister off at the neighbours just so I could get loaded. Its a lot like the way Dahy would drop off the twins at my home when they were babies, now that I think about it.

The Cars-"Drive"

Right now I'm having a real Huntington's Disease moment. As I was proofreading the last paragraph I noticed that very single time I'd use a pronoun relating to myself, I had just left it out. Oops. That really needs to fixed dontcha  think. 


On a more cheerful note, because I really don't feel that down in the dumps even if it seems like it, Depeche Mode is back in the studio. Yeah! Now if we can just drag Human League back there as well I would be really happy. 

The band had nearly fallen  apart from problems on the Devotional tour (including Martin Gore's alcoholic seizures, Andy Fletcher's near nervous breakdown which forced him to leave the tour and David Gahan's heroin, cocaine and alcohol addiction) and this was their one chance to prove they could come back together.When MTV offered to feature them on The Singles Tour they knew they would have to prove they were still around. In the middle of this performance you can see on their faces that the music and audience began to click. It is one of those great times in musical history. 

If you ever want to do a PSA on drugs, it should star this band. This was Depeche Mode's due or die moment.

Depeche Mode-"Enjoy The Music @Cologne (live)"

That song starting me thinking of other do or die moments. Here's another. It was what finally brought U2 fame and fortune. Live Aid: 

U2-"Bad (live"

Live Aid

While this is playing I'll fill you in a bit on everything else that's been going on in my life. The Twins are getting comfortable here. We had a hard afternoon yesterday. The Twins had noticed my shaking that the Haldol usually smooths out. They wanted to know what was wrong. I explained it in very basic terms leaving myself open to questions. DJ hit me right off with "Are you going to  die from this?" I think he asked this because  his father died from being sick. I told DJ it would be a long  time from now. Then he hit the ground in a temper tantrum while yelling that this is what his father had said. I didn't know 7 year old's even had temper tantrums but this one sure did. I got on the floor and rolled over to him, putting my head, face up, under his. He had to stop throwing the tantrum because he didn't want to hurt me. Then I simply asked him if I looked like his father, he had to admit I didn't. Then I tickled him until he smiled. That seemed to resolve the issue for now.

I do want to take a minute to thank everyone on my Facebook who took the time to answer my question about talking to the kids about HD yesterday. The information I got was extremely helpful when talking to them. 

Here is a great single from Credo, The Human League's latest album. 

The Human League-"Never Let Me Go"

Just a minute ago I went looking for my Facebook/Twitter code on some older posts. Among them I found the two pages I had written the first night I was sitting at Dahy's bedside over at the medical center. I published that post, and an hour later pulled both pages of it off.  Its so sad and filled with my emotion that I'm still a bit shaken from reading it. Someday I'll publish it.

Here is one of his favourite songs.

Muddy Waters="Baby, Please Don't Go"  

Catch Paul Ware on Facebook or Twitter. I can also be reached via email (delete no spam) but much prefer the Facebook message option. The comments section is fine too.

Want to know when the next blog is coming out or recommend it to a friend? There is an easy Facebook page for that now.

Crawling Out of My Black Hole

I hope this isn't too choppy. Its taken several days to write this as my internet time is extremely limited until I get the hell outta here Monday.

The Bangles-"Maniac Monday"

My wife has decided that we will take in David's children. So baby will make five in September. Our family is growing by leaps and bounds. Its enjoyable to watch from the sidelines but it will be interesting once I get home. So much for the single man who didn't want children who started this blog last year. Sasha and DJ are seven years old and so adorable. Yes, I said those kids are adorable.  Do you rake me over the coals now or later?

Peter, Paul and Mary-"Puff, The Magic Dragon"

This morning my wife called my Huntington's Disease doctor all the way from North Ireland where she's visiting David's mother. She is having a enjoyable and needed trip. I'm so glad she went.

This is for my wife, who's currently in love with Night of The Proms. 

Simple Minds - "Belfast Child" 

After this call they put me on Klonapin. It's helping my hands from bouncing off the keyboard all the time. They took me off the Xanax when I came in. They took me off everything and then played around until they found drugs they think are working. They're doing something right because I don't have the crazy need to listen to the Depeche Mode's Black Celebration album all the time.

Yes, I was literally living through thoughts that dark. It should have been a warning sign to me. Instead of looking out out for myself with all these flags I just went about my daily business while I had this album on constantly.  

Depeche Mode-"Black Celebration"

Is it any amazement that I drank after ten years of sobriety? I lost my best friend who died literally in my arms with his beautiful children at his feet, I didn't reach out to my wife since she was also grieving, causing us to begin to heal separately instead of doing this important act together. Then my depression kicked in, instead of treating I let myself fall into the black hole. I let myself stay there. I didn't do the things I know would help me get out of it. Instead of focusing on my recovery and sobriety I let myself focus on all the pitfalls in my life and my program. Once I start nitpicking my recovery message, that is a sign my thinking isn't quite right.

Human League-"(Keep Feeling) Fascination"

I am finally starting to feel better over all of this. I'm learning that I don't need to live constantly in a state of bereavement. Life does go on and its time for me to accept that and live it. David would not want me holed up in a room drinking and using. I know this because he didn't want that for himself. 

There is a saying in the program that it is basically one alcoholic/addict helping another. When I lost David, I lost a major lifeline to my sobriety.  Instead of doing what I should have, like raising my meeting attendance, I did the opposite and started isolating. 

Eminem - "Not Afraid"

Well, its time to wrap up so I can have enough time to get this posted to my Facebook. Thank you for continuing to follow me on this journey known as my life.

My 15 Minutes of Fame

Hi all. I have 15 minutes online today and I chose to spend it with you. Aren't you the lucky ones LOL ;) I just wanted everyone to know I'm alright. I'm coming home on the 2nd but you can write me at my email paulworre@nospam.gmail.com and I check that twice a day now. 


Life is treating me well, and my plans are to be back on the 2nd of April. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers.


Paul

My Crystal Staircase

When working at the College library many moons ago, professors would oftten put a copy of required material on loan so that students' wouldn't have to buy a whole book to study at school or buy a book for a single piece of poetry.

This is how I came across Langston Hughes. 

Mr. Hughes was an African American poet. That by itself meant he was not widely read. He was read by me however. The professor dropped off a piece titled "Mother to Son" and I read it on my break.

The poem is as follows:

Well, son, I'll tell you:
Life for me ain't been no crystal stair.
It's had tacks in it,
And splinters,
And boards torn up,
And places with no carpet on the floor --
Bare.
But all the time
I'se been a-climbin' on,
And reachin' landin's,
And turnin' corners,
And sometimes goin' in the dark
Where there ain't been no light.
So boy, don't you turn back.
Don't you set down on the steps
'Cause you finds it's kinder hard.
Don't you fall now --
For I'se still goin', honey,
I'se still climbin',
And life for me ain't been no crystal stair.

It was a nice poem, soft and well written so I made a xerox of it where I stored it until I had forgotten I even had the thing. Then one day Dahy Kelly, a fine Northern Irishman from Belfast, entered my life.

Dahy didn't need to know this poem, he had lived it most of his life. A child of Catholic parents, growing up as a member of the minority of the people who inhabited his country, Northern Ireland, Dahy spoke a different language (Gaelic), and considered himself a separate unrecognized citizen which even had its own paramilitary force (The Provos). By the time Dahy was about eight years old the first of the hunger strikers, Bobby Sands, had died. Over 100,000 people attended his funeral mass alone.

Political leaders on both sides of the conflict died. Military and political groups would change agendas and sometimes even names. In single years 500 people would be killed, the majority civilians.

When Jane first met Dahy, she could not believe what he told her. This simply doesn't happen in the western world. We are talking about a country that shared two borders with the Republic of Ireland and near to England, not a Middle Eastern country in a faraway land as Lebanon.

So one day he brought her a small simple pamphlet (Dahy and I may have been friends but we didn't  share the same hobbies). This pamphlet he felt would explain to Jane exactly what  life was like where he grew up. It was titled "They Kill Children, Don't They?" and it documented with photographic illustrations the results of the so-called peaceful rubber bullets the British soldiers would use to disperse small crowds of children and teenagers. You read me correctly, it had photos of dead kids, killed by the British Army in power.

The world lost Dahy at the end of last week from Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome, surrounded by his family. He was 38 years old, a loving husband and father of two beautiful 7 year old twins, one boy and one girl  (they had their birthday the 3rd of March).

In lieu of flowers, Dahy asked for the money you would have spent on flowers, not a penny more or less, to be donated to a charity of your choice. If you do not have a specific charity in mind, please consider

MusicCares MAP Fund.
MusiCares
3030 Olympic Boulevard
Santa Monica, CA 90404.

In addition, a brief visit to see if you are eligible to give another the gift of life through stem cell transplantation was also requested. This free and painless test can be ordered at http://marrow.org/Join/Join_the_Registry.aspx

Finally, before you judge a fellow man, ask yourself if you have climbed up the crystal or wooden stairs? For someone once told me the wooden ones are made up of torn boards and have tacks. They aren't a place where you can sit down while you take a break from living your life.

Thank you from the Kellys, Paul and  Jane Ware. 

Paul is taking a short break

Hello, This is Jane Ware. You may reach me at jane.s.rudd@nospamGMAIL.com 

Don't forget to delete nospam though or I will not receive your message.

Paul recently returned to the hospital. He is NOT in a life threatening condition at this time. Simply put, too many things fell on his plate at the same time. As soon as he is feeling better he is eager to get his emotions out through his love of music. This may be several weeks but do not worry. 

If his condition worsens, I will also update this blog. 

After this post however, i will be signing in under my blog account so there should not be confusion.

Thoughts, prayers and positive light for him, our child, and me would of course be appreciated.

Jane R. Ware

P.S. His last post was here but not published. I will be publishing it in a few minutes as i know the subject matter was very important to him. I ask you to please read it. JW

Reach Out and Touch Faith

Depression: clinical 4

                    situational 7

Anxiety: 6

Today there is going to more music than text. I am at the point where I'm at a loss for words. Hard to belief but yes, its true. 

Depeche Mode-"Personal Jesus"

Although not the biggest fan of this song myself (I think underrated songs like "Clean" get overlooked), this version is very unique with strong American Blues roots. I wish I had found this before today.

Blood, Sweat & Tears-"And When I Die (Live)"

Late last evening we drove up to the Valley to stay with Dave's family for a few days. Although there are always snafus when being forced to settle an estate, this one has become extremely complicated in a short period of time. Items such as the car, which were willed to Ms. K in a community property estate, has an odd contract which is meant to prevent the original owner from reselling at a markup. Consequence is the manufacturer may have first right to purchase the car back since she was not on the deed (for liability reasons). 

Red Hot Chili Peppers-"Under the Bridge"

U2-"Bad"

Depression: clinical 3

                    situational 8

Anxiety: 4

On the Road with Dave and Paul

Joni Mitchell-"Circle Game"

"I've got AIDS, You've got Huntington's. That means one thing, buddy. ROAD TRIP!"

Yes, my friend Dave said it in those exact terms.

Heaven 17-"Geisha Boys and Temple Girls"

Our road trips had taken on almost epic status. Both of us had grown up without proper coping techniques for life. We had used anything and everything to escape. For that last years of our lives, that included rental cars and any highway that would have us (What, you think he'd take his beloved Lexis on a road trip, where would we fit our food?).

The Eagles-"Hotel California"

My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim

I had to stop for the night

There she stood in the doorway;

I heard the mission bell

And I was thinking to myself,

'this could be heaven or this could be hell'

Over the years we drove all the way down and then up the Pacific Coast Highway (aka Highway 1). On the way we stopped over to stay at the beautiful Hotel California, Palm Springs, simply because we already knew the one in Santa Barbara and wanted to compare notes over the infamous lyrics of the song of the same name. I wouldn't miss this hotel if you  have never been. I've already booked a room for March 1st of next year.

Rent Motion Picture Soundtrack-"No Day Like Today"

Then there was the trip through the Texas Panhandle. This was probably our craziest road trip of all. Dave and I had never been to Texas, and we were undergoing a lot of personal stress. His twins had just been born, he had tested positive for AIDS, and my neurologist had made an early diagnosis of Huntington's Disease based on soft symptoms. In addition, I had just purchased a home with my girlfriend at the time. We needed to get away through a safe outlet, and we knew the best time was now before we both ended up escaping in a self-destructive way.

We were lucky. We had lovers who understood that as long as took care of our responsibilities it was a healthy outlet that would strengthen our home relationships more than if we ended up using and drinking.

So off to Texas we went, just because we could. We took an AA meeting guide and called Central Office in each town we reached. We managed to fit in a different meeting each day while on the road. It is very true when you read that the more you go, the more the meetings stay the same. The only difference was the accents of the people who welcomed us as visitors to their kind towns. We attended meetings on Indian Reservations, in the middle of the sticks, and even one where the majority of people were military members in uniform.

Counting Crows - "Big Yellow Taxi"

Of all the things that will stay with me on these road trips is the music. Dave worked in music studios as a career and he could explain why certain music sounded the way it did. Most importantly, he taught me that good music knows when to be quiet. Well, just like life.

Depeche Mode-"Master and Servant"

Take this song for example (it was one of several we discussed to death while our spouse's eyes glazed over). In the beginning there is this complete silence in between each of the three men's vocals. Only then does it even introduce musical instruments in the form of the emulator and then a synthesizer to add to the lead vocals. Dave thought this is where the multitude of remixes failed on this song. They took what made this song unique and turned it into just another generic remix by removing the build up. 

Is it any wonder now that these road trips with their resulting discussions were just as mentally helpful to our wives as to us? You see, this was just the tip of the iceberg. We would then list and name half a dozen of the remixes and then debate the failures and possibilities of each of them. 

Pet Shop Boys-"West End Girls (12" Dance Remix)"

This is another song that fails as a remix because the important buildup is destroyed as soon as the first note comes out of your stereo system. We would have our windows wide open and be singing to the PSB as naturally as most men sang to Eminem. No wonder we got so many strange looks in states like Alabama.

Speaking of road trips, we had just planned on driving up the coast to Washington State later in March while he was in between contracts. I think I'm going to pass and just watch something on the travel channel. Road trips aren't fun alone, and somehow I don't see Jane rocking it out to the Pet Shop Boy's "Always On My Mind"

Terry Jacks-"Season's in the Sun"

RIP My Friend

You have a safe trip now

Exhausted pg 2

Harry Chapin-"Taxi"

"Baby's so high that shes skying,/

yeah she's flying afraid to fall/

I'll tell you why Baby's crying/cuz' she's dying arent we all".

So here we are still at the medical facility. Sitting and waiting, and waiting to sit. Things calm down just long enough where sleep comes and then someone in the room will shift and everyone wakes up. Once we were able to bring in a xerox of Dahy's driving licence to compare the signature against his advance directive things changed drastically. Unused machines were physically removed in some cases, for larger pieces they were simply moved. I have learned more about "no pressures" and "DNI's" than I ever thought possible. 

I've learned how easy it is to have a chemically induced cardiac event and how truly painful they can be. I've learned some doctor's fear giving medications out on the slim chance the resulting cardiac condition will be aggravated, or that medications we take daily like decongestants raise the blood pressure. That last lesson I learned after he vomited twice after coughing so strongly, yet still refusing the morphine. The doctor finally called in a steroid so he could sleep. He felt the other medication options would increase his risk of a heart attack exponentially. 

I've learned that for some people it is instinctual to avoid medications and when they no longer do is the time you worry. I learned that lesson tonight when for the first time  Dahy  didn't try to move away from the morphine injection when the evening nurse told him what was in it. That was the first time I cried.

The Cars-"Drive"

Tonight I've learned that even six year children will love unconditionally when they can't be loved  back. I've learned there is such a thing as too much silence, and I need to keep my computer or telephone mp3 plugged in simply to get some sleep. Otherwise, every time Dahy misses a breathe I waken. And tonight he's been missing a lot of breathes and that's when they are strong enough to see or hear. 

Depeche Mode-"Enjoy The Silence"

All I ever wanted, all I ever needed

Is here in my arms

Words are very unnecessary

They can only do harm

Words are spoken to be broken

Feelings are intense, words are trivial

Pleasures remain, so does their pain

Words are meaningless and forgettable

Billy Idol-"Eyes Without a Face"

Dahy taught me that male bonding isn't just those wild road trips like the one we made from Santa Barbara to Dallas because we wanted to be able to say we'd been to Texas (no other reason) but it was also the laughter of trying to prove, and succeeding, at making 12 step meetings everyday by calling ahead to Central Office just like they taught us to do. Its the promises we made to each other while in the car, that we thought we'd never have to cash in on, because we really weren't that sick. Male bonding is being there and fulfilling those promises because that's what real friends do. 

On our road trips we'd listen to Billy Idol or whatever other crazy tune would come on the radio. We did it just because we could. For those trips we were two little boys on the road. We'd stopped growing at too early an age and this was our time to safely indulge that inner child. Our extent of planning these trips was picking out a destination, throwing clothes into a suitcase the night before, and then grabbing breakfast and lunch at the mini-mart. We were wild, and we were crazy. Actually we both still are.

Godly and Creme-"Cry"

This is the first time in my life that Jane hasn't been able to comfort me. She doesn't know what I'm going through because our relationship was so strange. I've been thinking of a photograph  Dahy has on his Facebook, it was taken in January of this year, actually on the road when we drove  partway on the PCH to judge the distance for a business trip. After a horrible holiday from his health he had a temporary feeding tube placed in so he could gain some weight back. After a lot of consultation his medical team agreed and he pumped it full of everything he could at the highest dose. So in this photo he's leaning over, his glasses hanging out of his T-Shirt neck and he looked healthier than he had in several years. and that infectious smile of his says there is nothing at all was wrong and we were having an inside joke. In fact, after our rental car broke, we were waiting for a new  one but in the meantime he had snuck into the break room where he discovered a NiHi soda machine. He was in heaven.The entire time we were out spending precious time at the dealership he was as happy as a child who had just discovered pirates gold.


I don't have access to download the photo but I may ask his wife for one as it brings back so many memories to me. Off to listen to music very low and then to get that sleep. I can tell by his breathing appears to an have decreased to an shallow breathes with an uneven pattern most likely I'll to be aware of this after all. 

Good Night 

Exhaustion

Duran Duran-"The Wild Boys"

Yesterday morning I had a visit to my doctor to remove one of two chest tubes from my pneumonia. By the time I was home I was so exhausted I couldn't walk to the mailbox. Yet an hour later my wife and I were in a rental car on our way to Culver City.


This was just the beginning on an extremely stressful day. It appears that sometime around the middle of the night Saturday,  Dahy  had been released from medical detox. It must have been amicable as he left with what appears to be a prorated check from the facility. From there, he managed to enter another town without his vehicle (which was still in the original parking place when Jane and I found it yesterday night.) He deposited the check, made a sizable withdrawal at a busy ATM location and from there disappeared.

U2 featuring Johnny Cash-"The Wanderer"

Sometime within the next 48 hours he was received and admitted as a John Doe into a major medical facility outside of Los Angeles. He was not able to speak not think independently. Since he had no identification on him, the hospital did not know he was a hospice patient and he was placed in the ICU. (Some of his identifying information including his wallet (minus the cash), watch and wedding ring were located by Jane inside the Lexus. Our thinking is that Dahy thought it was safer there than wherever he went himself.) Once admitted to the facility was suffering from a few separate medical conditions including the pneumonia he had transferred to me. Yes, it had attacked his ravaged immune system again.

Joni Mitchell-"Circle Games"

Then the next evening a nurse came in that knew him from a previous lifetime ago. Specifically she recognized his face and tattoos (yes, your mother warned you to be careful what you put on your body-it does follow you for the rest of you life). To be exact she remembered small facial scar and a tattoo that had among other choice letters included the full F word. She managed an early morning call at his former employer in the Los Angeles area who as it happened had purchased the company he currently was working for on a contractual basis. They called Ms. K and notified her of her husband's positive location. Once she had determined it was him, she called Jane and I. With the twins, it would not make sense for her to come down to the area to drive him home. Against my better judgement, I agreed we would pick up Dahy and the Lexis. Big mistake.


page 2

Grand Rounds

First, I need make an apology. This entry was due to be published on the 28 February 2012. Due to technological and physical circumstances (I had finished publishing it on my phone driving down to Los Angeles) it was incorrectly saved as a draft. Another kind member alerted me to this fact and I now have the laptop to currently publish this.

Without much notice another terminally ill friend of mine had been hospitalized without knowledge. His wife and my family tracked him down and he is now with all of us as he finishes his life journey.

So off to Ground Rounds it is. I must admit I didn't expect to be reediting it with two six year old twins and my best friend all cramped into a bed, but whatever works, right?

There were so many good choices this week I'm going to start with this gem that came  across my twitter.

The Kinks-"Lola"

Note, this song was chosen because it is actually a favourite of the my female friend described below.

Gender Identity is not a Disorder by Philip Hickey, Ph.D. 

"The problem with gender identity disorder is that it makes no distinction between the child who expresses a yearning to be of the opposite gender simply because these kinds of utterances have been reinforced, and the child who has perhaps some genuine biological anomaly.  As with all DSM “diagnoses,” if you emit the behavior, you’ve got the illness.  And of course if you’ve got the illness, then you need to be treated!"


I chooce this piece because I do have a friend who had sexual reassignment surgery. He went from a very unhappy man to a very productive female member of society. Hickey does bring up important fact though about when it becomes a disorder for small children to begin hormone and other medical treatment. I highly recommend this thought provoking piece. 

U2 ft. Johnny Cash -"The Wanderer"

This next article from Colorado Health Insurance Insider is very interesting on many fronts. This program promised many good things, but as the article mentions 


"the Colorado health benefits exchange “…will not be connected to the long-troubled Colorado Benefits Management System, which handles food assistance and Medicaid.”  I’m not sure what ” not connected” means here… whether the exchange will provide no enrollment material for people who qualify for public assistance, or whether some other program will stand in for the Colorado Benefits Management System in order to make the exchange interoperable (or integrated) with Colorado’s public benefits programs."


I know that this is a case I will be following closely and thank Louise and The Colorado Insurance Insider for bringing it to my attention.


Having had to personally experience as a client of both well run as well as broken down benefit services this may be the deal breaker in the Colorado program. In addition if it is another agency will it stand in the way making it harder for those  in need to get the help and benefits by having to visit another agency?


On one final note, some of you may be aware February 29 is Rare Gene Disease Day. My disorder, Huntington's Disease is covered under this umbrella. If you would like to know more, at the top of my blog banner is a link that will share a bit more information. 


Again, thank everyone at Grand Rounds for allowing me this opportunity as well as understanding during this stressful time in my life.

Depeche Mode-"Blasphemous Rumours (live)"