Tuesday, 24 January 2012

Testing in Sheffield

First, don't bring up the Sheffield United loss to Charlton. We don't discuss that in my house.

Lately I have been up most nights, and getting a few hours of sleep in the early morning. I'm averaging five hours a day and am dragging all the time.

Depeche Mode-"What's Your Name?"
Being a fan of the Beach Boys and Jan & Dean 
I really love the way Vince Clarke
captured that carefree vibe and vocals.

I think this is due my lack of activity. There just isn't that much that interests me which I can do right now. For example, I generally go to the shopping centre several times a week. Its nearby and I can pick up a few items and bring them home. I also need to go out to buy my smokes. I purposely only purchase a pack at a time so that I am forced out of the house, if it were, by my nicotine addiction.

Human League-"Path of Least Resistance"
This title speaks for itself. 

Currently I can't enter stores. They use florescent lighting and those are known seizure triggers. Until I can safely reintroduce them to my life the stores are out. Until three days ago all back-lit devices were out. That included my telephone and all of the apps that were installed on it. It included both my original mp3 player and my Droid. All music had to be played via my laptop, which had been introduced to me the day of my last seizure. Two days ago I got back my Kindle. As you know that is the only device I can read with for any period of time if I want to understand what I'm reading. Oh, and yesterday I got the TV back.

U2--"Ultraviolet (Live in Sheffield)"

But the thing is this. even when I want to go shopping at ten in the evening and cant get my groceries there is still a lot I can do. So why am I focusing on the negative?

The reason I'm doing this is two fold. First, the negative is much more visible for its the most obvious right now. I WAS just denied a trip to the store. I was NOT just given a game of chess on the computer, knitting in front of the home theare setup I installed the speakers for last night, listening to the entire Human League and Depeche Mode catalogs or sitting at the computer blogging. So of course I'm going to be more focused  on the negative. The second reason is that since I have a tendency towards depression, I'm more focused om the negative. It just makes things mentally easier. 

Johnny Mercer & The Pied Pipers-"Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate The Positive"

To this day when I think of Johnny Mercer my brain goes back to "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil", one of the best books I have ever read (quite enjoyed the motion picture as well). If I  could only recommend one book this would be near the top of that list. 

Yesterday I was listening to Radio Sheffield and they had an hour of country music on. So on that note today's double feature is going to be Johnny Cash.

Johnny Cash-"God's Gonna Cut You Down"
This video always seems to get mixed
reviews. Its still one of my all time faves though.

Johnny Cash-"I Won't Back Down"
This is one of my Anti-HD theme songs. 
Guess what Huntington's Disease?
I won't back down.

Whenever I play Cash, its like Depeche Mode, almost impossible to pick just two. If you are one of the few not familar with Johnny Cash I highly recommend you put his name into YouTube and give yourself at least an hour of uninterrupted time to enjoy this American legend.

Waylon Jennings & Willie Nelson-"Mama's Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys"
This song brings back so many memories. It was released  when I was about 8
and played on the radio. My Mum used to sing it around our home.
I always think of her when I hear this song, even though for a period
of time, I lived always moving around. 

Human League-"Life On My Own"

Perhaps simply because my life is concentrated on what I can't do right now, this song is moving me more emotionally than it usually does. I'm also homesick. I really need to get to Sheffield. I find myself calling Peter, my brother, more than usual as well as looking at videos that feature the city.

Just a few days ago I was talking with @OccupySheffield and a friend about the interesting way Sheffield is a concrete jungle while still having historical buildings. Here is an example, featuring the old Salvation Army Citadel. 

Photo from @OccupySheffield
To the left you see a building in total contrast
to the Citadel. I love this area of the city.

That is one reason I love the Blind Youth video so much and feature it here probably more than any other. I should have known how homesick I was when I had a dream about the building featured in this video a few months ago.

If you remember at one point I was planning to visit but then life took a turn, with a marriage and planned ceremony. Soon thereafter my wife became pregnant. I still need to visit, and we are making tentative plans to fly in a week before our wedding ceremony and spend some time with my nieces and nephews. Then we'll all fly to California together.

Human League-"Interface"
More photos of Sheffield

Since I'm obviously in the mood to post multiple videos by various artists today here are the Pet Shop Boys, and as this plays I'll get back to discussing Sheffield.

Pet Shop Boys-"Always On My Mind"

If I had my way, I'd be on a flight next week. Its just not an option for me. My wife hasn't been feeling well, having a bout of morning sickness the last few days. Although I do seem to be drain on her I just can't see getting up and leaving. No matter what, my first obligation is to her right now. 

Pet Shop Boys-"West End Girls (Dance Mix)"
This is very different from the standard we are used 
to hearing, give it a try and see what you think.

While I was writing this I got a call from my shrink. It seems my test results are in. I'm more that a bit nervous as the last time I was tested it was so stressful. I haven't told Jane yet and don't know if I will until its time for me to leave. He's going to fit me in at 12:30 during his lunch. Its so hard waiting. I'm going to leave this open blog post open until I return. 

Speaking of testing, my sister has decided to go ahead and test. Once I find out the date she will be getting the results I'll be flying out to London for the day to be with her as I had promised. I don't want her to feel alone if she receives a positive result. I want her to have someone with her so she knows there is life after a positive result. If she has a negative one, I want to be there to take her out for a celebratory dinner.


Tears for Fears-"Shout"

I just returned from the doctors. My test results including the Southern Blot came back. It appears this lab also had my strain read too high, but unlike the first test they automatically sent it out for the blot. My CAG came back at 52. Its much higher than I had hoped but considering the age when I first began to show serious psychiatric symptoms it shouldn't come as much of a surprise. For those interested in the CAG age range, here is a chart.

CAG Repeat to Mean Onset Age
Thank you all for continuing on this journey with me. ~Paul]

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