Mood 6.5
Good afternoon all. I'm having a really good day here. I had a chance to sleep in today and it felt good. When I woke up I feel like I do on Sundays. It was nice. I had my coffee and some late breakfast, a meal I've been neglecting lately. Then I headed off to the Shrink. More on that visit later. Still have a bit of anxiety but nothing like it was yesterday.
I woke up to check my Facebook and saw this brilliant Huntington's Disease/Juvenile Huntington's Disease video by Brett Thomas. I'm passing it on and asking you to please consider doing so yourself. Without educating the general public about Huntington's Disease people are misdiagnosed while their symptoms go untreated properly. This is unfair to those suffering from HD/JHD as well as those that care for them.
Okay now on to some music. This first video you are either going to love or hate. Its a remix of Human League's Being Boiled. DJ Gcr has sampled a lot of other tracks in here. I dig it, but am interested in other people's visions when I listen to music.
Everybody Dance Now.
I hope this entry doesn't seem fractured but I'm literally going back and forth between Old Grey Whistle Test on BBC2 and my videos for this blog. Bob Harris is interviewing Debbie Harry of Blondie.
I just love her hair in this performance. S-E-X-Y
She wouldn't have to worry about me pushing her aside.\
Errr... Back to the blog here. Sorry about that deviation boys and girls. She still warrant's today's double feature.
At this rate, this blog is never going to be finished. Trevor Nelson's Soul Show is on now. My music here may be inspired by that. Here is the 80's classic by the Commodore's Nightshift
I rarely do dedications, but I would feel remiss if I didn't dedicate this
to all the nurses at Hallamshire Hospital. Especially thinking of
those who worked the nightshift on the neuro floor when I
was hospitalized.
For those who don't know, I was the patient from hell. I didn't want to be on the neurological floor (who does), I had horrible memories from when my mother was in the hospital, I knew what may be coming down the pipeline (brain degeneration until I die) and so I didn't sleep until utterly exhausted. I saw something more in every test ordered and how dare you make me take a sleeping tablet. How did I know that is really what is in that tablet? I remembered all the tablets they gave my mum. Thanks but I'll pass.
Imagine if I'd been admitted for something HD related. I wasn't. I was there for a seizure from a high fever at age 14. They wanted to rule out a few other conditions along with JHD which was done without genetic testing as it hadn't come into existence yet.
So night nurses, I thank you all. That was almost 30 years ago but I still remember my care there.
To explain it another way, this is what I thought was happening to me. I really saw the rest of my life ready to explode from within.
I'm not exaggerating. This is how I felt.
Would you have wanted to be my night nurse?
I didn't think so.
Let's lighten up a bit here. I seriously do not want to go to sleep in a funk tonight,
Mood 4.0
The Seventies had some decent music.
Great actors in a great film. Its wonderful when your mood is in the tank...
Like mine is, right now.
DID I TELL YOU YET HOW MUCH I F'ING HATE THIS? I hate going from a good mood to a crappy one in the bat of an eye. IT SUCKS.
Thank you.
Now give me some Moroder and I might feel better.
Giorgio-you say? This is Kenny Loggins.
Actually Boys and Girls, Loggins was 3rd choice to sing this song
after Bryan Adams and Toto.
Although wildly associated with Disco music of the 1970's Moroder has won 3 Oscars
- 1978 Best Original Score for Alan Parker's Midnight Express
- 1983 Best Song "Flashdance...What a Feeling"
- 1986 Best Song "Take My Breath Away" from Top Gun
Now that you know more than you ever wanted to about one of my musical heroes here is Berlin with a non-Moroder tune.
Berlin's Metro - extended version
Okay, this is seriously bad. I am coming back from a two hour anxiety attack that ended but the underlying depression is still here.
Mood 5.0
Anxiety 8.0
Just took my night meds. After the first two nights, the Namenda isn't sedative at all. So that leaves me with having to sleep on Impramine and Lyrica. Those together aren't sedative enough. This is causing me to take Xanax to sleep. Xanax is a as-needed medication, I'm not supposed to take it to sleep.
Which brings me to my visit with the shrink today. You know, when my day was still going pretty well? Well it went...well. I didn't tell him I'm taking the Xanax to sleep but did tell him I had stopped taking the Haldol after a couple days because it was making me lethargic and possibly making some other symptoms come out, specifically night kicking and during the day leg jerking.
In fact, it was while I was on the Haldol that I fell down in soda aisle in the grocery store. Not too fun, let me tell you.
He wasn't happy at all about this but agreed to a trial of one week to see how continue to do without it.
This interesting article was posted by a follower on Twitter Power From the People-Human Batteries.
You know you're now an internet addict when...your girlfriend crawls into bed early with her book while you finish up your blog.
Mood 6.0 and raising
Anxiety 4.5 and lowering (I usually live in the 3s. I'm rarely anxiety free). I need to drop to three to sleep.
My understanding of this song is in burned in my heart.
This Tracy Chapman song resonates to me on so many different levels. It reminds me of leaving school after my O levels (now GCSE) to help my father take care of my Mum. I always wanted to run away from home and just keep driving. After her suicide that is exactly what I did, I took what little savings I had from my job, my life insurance policy and ran to America. I've never looked back. I visit home when I can, and I still vote but those are my only ties now with Britain. Oh, I also support the UK's Huntington's Disease Association financially with donations.
This is a sad song from a very sad movie.
Madonna's Live to Tell from At Close Range
If you haven't seen At Close Range run, don't walk, to the nearest video rental store. It is based on a true story and involves a troubled family including a father who is a burglar for a living. The premise sounds lame but it's actually a great character study. Christopher Walken, Sean Penn and Chris Penn all give staring performances.
On another level this song reminds me of how those of us with HD hide it. We hide it among ourselves and from the world. Often we deny it even when the symptoms are all there. In fact, some studies have shown that in fact denial can actually be a mental manifestation of the disease.
I love this song. It shows to me that Parker was able to get
a fabulous performance out of Madonna as Evita.
One thing I learned from this song is not to look down. If I do I'm only looking at the past and what good is that? I need to look toward the future and make my own plans. that is one reason to this day I adore Electronica music. Its future moving my its nature.
Nope, I have no Irish Blood in me that I'm aware of
however a friend of mine had a grandmother who sang
this song to her. Once it was played for me several times
it became a song with deep meaning for me.
For those of you who don't know the Spanish Lady is Death.
I've been thinking of death a lot lately. Most likely as I still have to make copies of my notarized living will and mail it off to the state so they have a copy. Its such a reminder to me that I won't be living a life of normal length, and that is fearful.
This album cut is just so moving. It reminds me that no matter
how low our opinions are of ourselves there are others
who care about us.
This is what true prayer should be,
prayer for others and not ourselves.
This is one of the big issues I have with life in America
People are taught that they can do and be anything
yet you go through other parts of the country and its a
good dinner if you have beans and rice.
Now I'm starting to relax. The backrub I'm getting as I type isn't hurting so I'm going to end with a couple love songs.
As you all know by now, this is the ultimate love song for the relationship
I have right now. I really feel that I won't be walking out the door.
In fact, I'm on the mortgage papers and own half of our house
I'll do it for you
J, You know I would
J, I love you.
I really do.
I hope I can spend the rest of my life with you
and tonight I'm finally going to tell you that.
I really do.
I hope I can spend the rest of my life with you
and tonight I'm finally going to tell you that.
Mood 8
Anxiety 1.5
No comments:
Post a Comment