As you may know my doctors changed my meds up big time yesterday. I'm now on the anti-depressant Impramine, mood stabilizer Lyrica, Haldol and Namenda. I also have a Xanax PRN which used to be a regular med.
My typing sucks, so please forgive me, Its a good thing I touch type because every time I see something move it seems to be in triple time.Letters like n and m look exactly the same to me. I have to use context to read. Its like when you're in hospital for surgery and they sedate you, it makes it hard to do many things, you feel, well, intoxicated,
Poison Arrow-(Sheffield band)ABC
The hardest part of this is that I can tell the medications are working to help some of my symptoms. That in consequence makes me understand what's going on in my body for the first time since I became ill.
Mr. Bean Goes to the hospital.
Its the one and only Sparke/Now That I Own The BBC
What I'm trying to say is that I'm scared. I've never felt like this before. I feel sick. I never felt that before. Now I can't pretend nothing is wrong.
===To my older brothrer===
For the first time in my life I feel like a man
with Huntington's Disease.
I'm not ready to feel that way.yet.
I'm not old enough.
I haven't lived enough
I haven't been to Graceland
I haven't been to the Vietnam Wall
I didn't do anything last night
but constantly go to sleep only
to be waken up
sharp head movements
legs kicking my body up and down
knowing these movements will eventually
get worse, and worse
will eventually kill me.
I want to be safe
I want to sleep and know that I will
wake up naturally
being snuggly just like you
in the blankets we shared
without a care in the world.
I'm not old enough.
I'm the little one.
"It feels like dying slow
letting go of life"
You see, for the first time,
since my mother was diagnosed
and they told her it was generic
and she ended her life,
I am really scared.
For this first time
I can feel what is wrong
with both my body.and my brain
How its moving
How its thinking
my body is behaving
in directions it isn't supposed to.
How come you don't move that way?
Why don't you you think this way?
Since you don't
Why are you still here?