Anxiety = 3.0
My physical symptoms are acting up like crazy. That should be no surprise since I was awake all night. The first half was spent burning CD's. The second half was washing the dinner dishware and talking with J.
It still sucks I can't stay up one night out of the year without paying for it with symptoms of HD creeping out twice as bad as usual. Yes, it sucks but today I can live with it.
Jane and I talked about a variety of things when she asked me a question. Not just any question, mind you, but THE question.
Stevie Nicks & Don Henley = "Leather and Lace"
I really identify with the male vocalist's words in this song.
I told her I would be honored.
Soon it'll be time for me to get that sleep, and then I'll be going to pick her ring out.
I still can't believe I said yes to marriage after swearing for all of my adult years that I wouldn't marry ANYONE.
Jane must be, well she is, a very special woman.
The Dixie Cups - "The Chapel of Love"
Wow, I'm still in shock. Me, the man that would never put any woman through his HD hell, is willing to get married. So what changed?
The Human League = Life on Your Own (Extended Remix)"
First, before I met Jane, I got tired of running every time I was in a serious relationship. I've done that for 20 years. Actually nothing else changed that I can think of except my perspective.
When my fiancee first met me, I wasn't symptomatic nor had I been tested. Over time as things between us became more serious, I let her know about the Huntington's Disease in my family and what it meant for me. She was one of the handful of women I've been involved with that haven't run for the hills at the first mention of HD. Yet Jane knew that eventually this neurological disease will kill me.
Blood, Sweat, & Tears = "And When I Die"
When I first got symptoms, she was there with me and understood what they were. To this day I remember my first symptom simply because of how kindly she dealt with it.
HD wasn't something random out in the universe that she had no idea about. She saw it with her own two eyes. She's had to deal with my depressive moods from HD since four months after we started dating, if not sooner. She's seen me shaking like a leaf from anxiety. The tremors in my good arm have woken her up in the middle of the night more times than I care to admit.Still she's let it roll off her back.
Through all that Jane's aware of, she knows what is happening and what will happen.
Jerry Lee Lewis="Whole Lotta Shaking Goin' On"
Yet she still wants to marry me.
Crap video, Beautiful Song
Noel Paul Stookey-"The Wedding Song"
All I know is that I won't complain.
See you tomorrow.
Anxiety = 1.0