Thursday, 10 November 2011

Feeling Under Pressure

Good Afternoon Boys and Girls,

The clock just hit twelve noon as I sat down to type my first few letters here. Its good to have a new, fresh start after yesterday.

Did I sound whiney or what? I probably did because I was so tired of being sick and tired. One thing many people don't understand is that since Huntington's Disease affects the brain it also affects our thinking processes. We know its busted, that's the frustration. Yet we still want it to work right, as we often know what right is. So we fight it inside our brains.

Like me. Yesterday. I knew it isn't right to be so upset about walking three blocks and being inside a shop for 15 minutes. Yet I was petrified to go. Petrified as being on the upside down loop on a roller-coaster. I knew that the fear wasn't in proportion to the action, but that didn't help at all. It simply adds to the frustration.

You know that stupid feeling you get when you leave the house and forgot to check the coffee pot? You know you unplugged it, yet... that little voice is saying "Did you check it? Are you sure its unplugged?" Magnify that by 15 and you get an idea where I was yesterday every time I got up to leave the house.

This went on for nine hours! It took that long for me to throw Sparks on and get outside the house. Then one foot in front of the other and twenty-five minutes later I'm done and I'm home safe. Exhausted but safe.

Then comes the next day. Here I am. I want to go out one block. Yet again the fear is taking over, I can feel it in the back of my kneecaps. My legs are already pulled up in a protective angle. WTH?

All over what? The fact I need to go outside to smoke? You got it! So here we go all over again.

Joni Mitchell - "Circle Game"

Its days like yesterday and today when it doesn't seem so bad to know that some day I'm going to be 6 feet under. I'm not suicidal. don't get me wrong. I only mean that it will be nice not fighting myself.

Stop the Merry-Go-'Round. I want to get off!

The Eagles-Hotel California

So now I'm back home, and do I feel better? Hell no. Now I need to get out of the bedroom to the kitchen and that's now too much. So I'm going to relax, try to make the bed around the sleeping cat and really try to find something cheerful.

Frankie Goes to Hollywood will be our Triple feature today with three cover tunes from their brilliant album Welcome to the Pleasuredome. There isn't one bad tune on this album.

And before you ask - The answer is Yes, I did have a "Relax" T-Shirt and Yes, I knew what it meant. As long as the folks didn't know I was safe.  ;-)

Frankie Goes To Hollywood-"San Jose"

Frankie takes on Bruce Springsteen's "Born to Run"

"Ferry Cross The Mersey" with brilliant visuals

Every time the music stops my head starts whirring and I feel the empty walls. Strange. 

Paul Oakenfold feat. Matt Goss - "Firefly"

Sophie Ellis Bextor-"Murder on the Dancefloor"
This is just a "fun" song.

I was reading on my Facebook earlier a friend talk about Queen  (Queen, Cash and Cooke) and it got me thinking about what musical geniuses they were. 


Queen-"Under Pressure" feat. David Bowie
Gotta love those visuals
R.I.P. Freddie Mercury

I'm throwing on one more by Frankie simply because I can't get it out of my head today. Although a heavy Christmas release, I first heard this as the last cut on the Pleasuredome CD (or was it on Peel). Either way, it is one of the most beautiful love songs I've heard in my 40 plus years on the face of this earth. 

Frankie Goes to Hollywood-"Power of Love"
Sit back, relax and forget about the camels for a few minutes.
Just listen to the lyrics.

On that note I'm going to leave you. The cat finally stopped making me pay for waking her up after making the bed, in other words after an hour of demanding payment in petting she fell asleep. 

This leaves me with several chores around the home to finish before I go out to a friend's house later tonight. So off to do the dishes and jump in the shower, while I can.

Now, if I only owned the BBC... ;)


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