Sunday, 27 November 2011

Now that I own the BBC...

Sparks-"Now that I own the BBC"

If your only glimpse into my life is this blog, then you probably aren't aware that this year has been a lost worse compared to most.  I don't know what exactly is going on but I'm begining to think it just might be that right now my life feels a bit empty. I'm not working, I had the HD Genetic test, and of course my unexpected CAG repeats 

I saw my shrink Friday for two hours. I had called him Wednesday to see if he could fit me in this week. He heard my voice and said "my office, now, stat" The funny/odd part of it is that the "emergency" he heard in my voice was actually me trying not to tell him about the engagement until I saw him in the office.

John Lennon-"Woman"

So I get there, pour my cup of tea, open up People Magazine and promptly spill the hot Earl Grey all over my lap. No, I'm not kidding. 

You don't want to know how bad it hurt. Just trust me on this one.

Van Halen-"Jump"
That's Eddie on Keys

After two hours of talk, he upped my my antidepressant, mood stabilizer and Haldol. He's concerned that my mood isn't congruent. Gee, don't know what would give him that idea. He's also seriously concerned over some of the Huntington's Disease affects, specifically mild shaking, OCD, and depression/anxiety. I had forgotten last year the holiday stress was really awful too.

My mood is driving me crazy still. I'm so happy to be engaged but the next minute I feel lonely. What I'm really surprised about is the fact that I'm actually cheerful to have plans to be married. I never ever ever would have seen this in my future. I'm more likely to open a Chinese Fortune Cookie that says "This is iyour unlucky decade."

Last thought for the night: Jane and I spent a lot of time talking. Bringing children came up and I let her know that my mind might be open to the possibility. My only concern is bringing up a child who would grow up without a father and a fifty percent chance of a 150 CAG repeat. Then Jane's rational voice pops in and says "but its still only a 50% chance"

John Lennon-"Starting Over"

Catch Paul Ware on Facebook or Twitter. I can also be reached via email (delete no spam) but much prefer the Facebook message option.

1 comment:

  1. So what did the doctor say about getting married? My thought is that he would be very happy for you! Did you and Jane discuss the different options that can ensure that you have a child that is HD negative? In vitro testing, or fertilization?
    Hoping you feel better and your mood is improved soon,